don't expect being welcome :whistle:

God envited Adam and Eve and told them it has two final gifts for them.
"The first one will help the person aim while peeing."
Adam jumped up: "That's great, that's just what I need!"
God gave him that thing and Adam ran off happily signing his name in the sand while taking a piss.
"Well the other thing is for you then Eve. I call it brains."



Adam walks up to God.
"Lord, why did you have to make Eve so sexy?"
"So you could love her Adam."
"But why did you have to make it so stupid then?"
"Because otherwise there'd be no way she'd ever fall in love with you!"



A man brags in the bar: "I always have the last word in my home."
His wife says: "He can always finish a convesation by saying: yes dear."

Adam complains to God that he wants a wife.
God:well, i could make you woman that would be smart,pretty and would be in love with you.
Adam: thats great! but wait, it will cost me something i suppose..
God: Yes, it will cost you one arm and one leg.
Adam:Hmm,thats too much.But god,what could you make from one rib?

Why did the toddler drop his lollipop?
Because he was hit by a truck.

How is American beer like making love in a canoe?
It's f***ing close to water!

And since nobody seems to wholly agree whether this thread is for bad jokes or jokes in bad taste, I'll just post a few Swedish jokes here. Ah, the joys of visiting Finland long enough to pick up a few jokes about their beloved neighbors.

(Norwegian joke) What's the difference between living in Norway and living in Sweden?
Sweden's got nice neighbors.

Here's a party games Swedes play: one Swede goes into a box and the other Swede has to guess which Swede is in it.

A Swede was in a pub in Finland and a regular customer suggested to him: "I'll give you $200, if you let me smash ten beer bottles on your head".
The Swede thought for a while and finally agreed, partly because of the peer pressure.
The Finn smashed the first bottle on the Swede's head, and then the second and so on, but he stopped after smashing nine bottles.
"So, when are you going to smash the tenth bottle?" asked the Swede.
"I am not a total idiot", the Finn replied, "then I would have to give you that $200".

And a joke about Americans. Just a joke, I swear?

A Russian, a American and a Canadian are out riding horses. The Russian pulls out an expensive bottle of vodka, takes a shot, then another, and suddenly throws the bottle in the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the bottle in mid air. The American looks at him and says, "What are you doing?! That was a perfectly good bottle of Vodka!" The Russian says, "In Russia, there's plenty of Vodka and bottles are cheap."
A while later, not wanting to be outdone, the American pulls out a bottle of Whiskey, takes a few sips, throws the bottle in the air, pulls out his gun and shoots it. The guy from Canada can't believe this and says, "What did you do that for? That was an expensive bottle of Whiskey!"
The American says, "In America there's plenty of Whiskey and bottles are cheap."
So a while later the guy from Canada pulls out a bottle of beer. He opens it, takes a sip, takes another sip, and then chugs the rest. He then puts the bottle back in his saddlebag, pulls out his gun, turns around and shoots the American.
The Russian, shocked, says, "Why did you do that?"
The Canadian says, "Well, in Canada, we have plenty of Americans, but bottles are worth a dime."