...land an undesirable role in a really bad adult film.

The director will shout,"CUT!" if you...

upset him sufficently to cause him to attempt to mutilate your genitals with a pair of pinking shears.

You'd be worried about the Gush if...

<waits to see if anyone's seen Chris Morris' Jam>

...you can't remember the Chris Morris' Jam.

You'd actually remember it if...

you hadnt had to do so much ketamine to understand it

you enjoy watching jam if

...you're eating jam at the same time.

You're jamming after a while if...

You listen to Jammy-D

You hate jammers if

all that ket has also made you believe your ears function as a radio.

You know you're a ham radio operator when...

...you receive signals with your breakfast sandwich.

You think a good breakfast is important if...

You don't eat anything for another 5 hours.

You don't eat for another 5 hours if...

Edit: Beat by the pilot!

...you ran out of your supply of dead bodies.

You're slightly naughty if...