your beard is sexy and attractive.

My beard is sexy and attractive because...

you smeared with excretia (you didnt say what kind of person was finding you sexy and attractive :sneaky: )

you cut off your beard if

you realise that it's attracting entirely the wrong kind of attention.

Margaret Thatcher's a pogonophobe because...

nobody knows what that means and she wants to be unique.

She'd be happy with her looks if...

...she woudln't know any better.

You're really evil (I mean even worse then THESE GUYS) if you...

you don't just tell dead baby jokes; you put them into practice.

You might enjoy eating dead babies if...

you enjoy eating live ones.

Baby flesh invigorates you if...

...it's those days of the minth again.

You know what I'm talking about if...

you're a complete weirdo.

you're a complete weirdo if ....

...you don't know what pogonophobe means.

The best way to find out if you know what a word means is...