Granted. However since I can't put my finger on what you are wishing for, you get a role of toilet paper instead.

I wish for more people wearing spandex

Granted, one more people is wearing it. YOU are that people.
And you look pretty ridicule too.


I wish my big fat cigar was a bigger fatter one.

Granted. Its now sooo humongous that you die after you have finished smoking it.


I wish I had a comic book right now

Granted.
You get a comic book.
It's full of adverts... particularly hypnotic adverts.
You spend all your pennies, selling off your organs to scrape in everything you can, on x-ray glasses and itching powder.
The glasses don't work and the powder gets spilled in your underwear drawer.

I wish for a pet tiger that was my bestest friend and wouldn't hurt me and would kill anybody i told it to

Granted, you get your lovely pet-tiger.
He's your best friend, loves you, and you love him, he's your domestic mate.
The tiger's female and companion gets jealous and kills you.

I wish all members of Abandonia good luck and plenty happiness.

Granted, but then you get banned, so no luck and happiness for you :)

I wish for the storm that's about to hit to go elsewhere....

Granted.
The storm goes elsewhere.
You also go elsewhere, the same elsewhere as the storm.
You're blown away and crush your skull onto an iglo.


I wish that the 'elsewhere' would be the north pole.

Granted, you're now elsewhere.
I wish to have a brand new hell-machine of a computer

Granted. And it was cheap, too: all it cost you was your soul.

I wish people would quit cooking bad-smelling foods in the microwave at work.

Granted, they now over cook broccoli and other horrible foods by more than seven hours by using the one hot-plate in the office located on your desk.

I wish I was anorexic