I must say, Wolf, you're poem is quite nice! :ok:

I'm back to my old computer and can upload...which i'll do in a bit here, but first some issues.

Actually, all my poems have a set rhythym and none stray from it, I know that in a few lines it's forced, but if you play around a bit, you'll find it! Also, it's really not that I don't trust you, or that i'm paranoid or anything...but I really don't like giving out my age...all I can tell you is that i'm probably younger than you are.

Solitary Unraveling

I don’t care anymore
The world’s collapsed around me
I don’t care anymore
You stupid beasts astound me.
You live your lives in freedom
You’re slaves to nobeast’s paw
And yet you’re still complaining
And slaying minds of all.
For I am death,
Eternal fate,
Darkness fallen,
Open hellgate.
Bleed your death upon me
For my life is truly gone
I’m lost amidst the sorrow and sins
That the world’s based upon
And yet I linger,
Black and still
Eclipsed from sun
By heaven’s hill.
A broken mirror,
A fallen tear,
These words they are my guide
For no one but damned hellion,
Are with me at my side
Together we will conquer,
Kill and set things right
If we can’t escape from this,
You’ll never see the light
For only dark will hide the thoughts of death by one’s own paw
And never again will be unleashed
You’ll follow no one’s law!
By thy paw and by thy sword, we’ll set the demons free
And torch the live oppression
Till the time of eternity.
And with the knowledge
Sunken deep within your rotting mind,
You’ll follow me,
Eternally
And slaughter all the kind
The ones that think they help the world
But really only stain it
The ones who think they set it free
But really only tame it.
By dark, by night
You’ll show your might
You and I, we’ll set things right!
We’ll turn around and run no more,
We’ll kill from bloody shore to shore
We’ll march right up to heaven’s door,
And throw the angels on the floor.
And with this final action bold,
The pain will finally be no more.

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Iberian Wolf @ Aug 30 2006, 09:55 AM) [snapback]251814[/snapback]</div>Hehe thanks ^_^ I liked your poem too, was very cool =]

Iowa, awesome poem too! The title looks familiar too, being a Mushroomhead fan as I am :max: Very cool!

Thank you! ^_^

Solitare/Unraveling is an awesome song...it's the first Mhead song I ever heard...

Me Inside

So what do you do
When nothing goes right?
Your hate is your refuge
You're blinded to light
You suffer and sin,
And when they come to call
You’re only the wicked
You’re blamed for it all.

Your history melts you,
Rips you apart
You’re constantly drowning
In your ravaged heart
The horrors you suffer
Can never be killed
They torment you always
With uncaring will

You ravage your actions,
You kill for no cause
You smile and laugh
At your blood tainted claws.
Your mind is repulsive,
Mutated and wrong
You’ve never been able
To hear the birdsong.


Your loneliness haunts you
And flows through your veins
You convince all others
To follow your reign,
For spreading the hatred
Lessens the pain
Though never escaping
The life that you feign.

So welcome to darkness,
Welcome to me,
Welcome to all things that you’ll never be,
Welcome to sorrow,
You're no longer free.
Now you’re not eluding
You’re trapped in my cage
You’re always to feel my insufferable rage
And you’ll never escape
The terrors you find
Forever degraded,
In depths of my mind.

Sorry guys, but this is the last one...unless I make one up on the spot, you're outta luck.

ok... here's a poem from me. As I normally write in danish plz bare with me if it sucks in english :tomato:

My toes
reaches the edge of the abyss
of my cold world
Jeg kan feel the stones below
my naked feet

one step
and my feets
becomes free

one jump
and my thoughts falls asleep

a fall into nowhere
where I however
have lived for so long
or not lived

A cold breath of air twitches me
but still my feet stands still

Behind me, are endless thoughts
distortions, entanglements
and senseless tears

Infront of me is freedom.

I fill my lungs
with the still cold air
It's shimmering for my retina
and I lift one of my feet,
move the feet forward and take a step

- away from the abyss
yet still directly down there.

-Enidra

pretty good...
^this is the best part

can you put the non-translated version too?

Very nice Enidra! ^_^

And that's saying something, normally I really don't care for free-form...

Iowa: Sounds more like lyrics to some Doom Metal song :) And a good one that could be!

Anyway if you present it like poetry, it sounds a little bit bland. Not much of an artistic expression. BUT there are some good parts though.

:ok: I mean it like a friendly advice. No offense ;)

Well, that is good to know...if I ever join/start a band, i'll use them for song lyrics!

...I personally thought it had expression :unsure: ...but whatever... :ph34r:

Expression yes. But when it comes to art you should think about more artistic expression. Oh but nevermind. If you feel that your work is good don't bother listening to me ;) I may be ignorant myself :) In fact if your poems make just one person happy (in this case, more like sad :D) , you've done a good job.

Woohoo! :brain:

Yes, I enjoy writing depressing things...