Granted, as a prisoner in a remote, secret Gulag camp, the fellow prisoners teach you all you want to know as payment for picking up their soap bars in the shower.

I wish time was of no relevancy

Granted, but now no-one knows if they're coming or going, and everyone goes insane.

I wish for less badgers :)

granted, and you get .. SNAAAAAAKEEEEEE

i wish for picture of somebody in a full size *cough cough*

Granted, you get a picture of me being pissed off on you for interrupting my response. In full size!


I wish that the universal balance would create an abstract layer of consiousness in every living being therefore creating a time-space distortion that can only be avoided by eating large cheese sandwiches with extra mayonaisse.

Granted, but now everyone thinks you're a weirdo for making that wish, so they avoid you. You die alone, but at least you have an abstract layer of consciousness while you do it.

I wish for cheese to be readily available in my neck of the woods...

Granted. Cheese is now EVERYWHERE, and I mean everywhere. Soon you are sick of it and you only want a ritz, but you can't have any coz there is no room left coz of all the cheese.

I wish I had a working stove

Granted. And now you have to actually cook. Eeeew!

I wish for my badgerland to become true

Granted.
Badgerland becomes true in your pants, and is conveniently located near your bits and bobs.
It reeks of badger and nobody will sleep with you ever again.

I wish I could play the stylophone.

Granted. You now have to play it day and night without interruption until your hands become numb and you begin to starve.
I wish it wasn't so cold here today (brr)

Granted, it is now -80 C every day now for the rest of the earth's existence. Thanks a lot you selfish jerk!

I wish I could do planche push-ups.