Here goes another shot at the masses...I share my poetry every opportunity I get because I tend to get mostly positive reviews. Maybe my poems can find a home at Abandonia?

Below are my works, please leave an individual one for each you read...it doesn't have to be long, but please give me the satisfaction of feedback...

*DISCLAIMER* These poems are all negative ones, don't expect to find any happiness here, and brace yourself for some violence. Furthermore, they may contain anti-religious views and ideas.*DISCLAMER
Why the "anti religious views and ideas"? Because it's who I am, and don't be mistaken, I don't believe in everything I write.

Lastly, the poems are written from the perspective of animals because I believe that deep down within ourselves we are indeed just a kind of animal. And because the poems are deeling with the animal inside the character, this view seems reasonable to me.

War

“Blood to give,
Let none live!
You will lose your life!”
These are general’s words
To cope with a soldier’s strife,
Cast into the wasteland
Paved by another’s greed
Here we have our weaponry
And screamed orders to heed.
I am one, and meaning none
In army vast and wide
If I fall, in midst of all
None are at my side.


The blood it splatters widely,
In course of painful screams
To common beast, to say the least
A war is still unseen.
And now I fight throughout the night,
With sword,
With tooth,
With claw,
Another’s blood drops off my face,
Onto a mangled paw.
Terror strikes within my mind
As fallen beasts lay on the ground
Never to be with again,
Never again to make a sound
And the shocking hits me,
Tightening like a lynch,
The fact that I kill brethren
Without even a flinch.
What I’ve been led into
I do not really know
As evil raises in my mind,
And anger starts to show.


I grasp my sword and cut and hack
Knowing nothing can turn me back,
As redness clouds my vision,
And excitement fills my mind,
I cross over the carcasses
That I have left behind.
My face is coated with the blood of many evil souls,
Dripping down into my mouth,
Burning my eyes like coals
The taste of it soaks into tongue,
Alas, control is gone
For now mental preparation
Shall not stay with me for long.


The primal rage of killer old,
Built within my natural mold
Shall stay with me,
Eternally,
Never to relinquish hold.
As thought dawns upon
My aching restless mind,
The war will never seem to stop
Never to be left behind.
Set upon by fiendish wounds
And now I quickly fall,
My blood-choked vomit stains the snow
As dying ends it all…

I am pressed for time now, and am only able to post this one. Keep in mind that it is not necessarily me as the main character in my poems!

Hope you liked it, if you did, review and i'll post more! :ok:

Not bad, not bad, although I have to say I couldn't read it fluenty at some points. Maybe you have to tell the poem yourself and deliver the correct atonation.

i tend to think that we actually ARE animals but they have some set of rules too and their world is more sacred than our world... well your poem shows an idiotic character that just and sees no end ahead, but then ..he dies?
and another thing... you're saying he's a soldier in the first part(in an american way in my perception) but then he becomes a warrior with a sword.

and the animal inside the character should not describe the blood, but the meat..cause that's what he's after

I mostly get your critiscisms [spelling?], but keep in mind that you can post your own poems on here too, i'd like to read some of yours.

...So should I shut up and go away or post another one?

mine were only in romanian and too modern for translation...

and you shouldn't "shut up"...you SHOULD post some more... and if you don't like my criticism just tell me..i'll shut up

Okay, shut up Himmler :titan: :sneaky:

i wasn't talking to you grinder

here's one.

five people went across the dunes
of desert called Zaru.
One day they found a gem with runes
on it and priceless too.

One of them said "this gem is mine
I saw it first, see."
four dissagreed. the bottom line-
he lost his friends and knee.

Four people camped then for the night,
three of them were awake
they ploted up to morning light-
decided gem to take.

the other never knew their biz
he was still sleeping tight
when taking all their stuff (and his)
they went into the night

then two of them (girl and a boy-
the story is quite old)
just couldn't all of this enjoy
or so the story's told

she said that they could get house
and horse for all she knew,
she said "you get me all those things
or I am leaving you"

the man was never all that bad
he simply was in love
and he persuaded the third lad
well anyway, sort of.

this idily went on for days
until he broke his leg
the woman left him in the blaze
to fry just like an egg

but 1:1 was the final score
there was no point alas
for gem that seemed so fine before
was just a piece of glass

Wow, did you write that? That's great!

The beginning was a bit out of rhythym, but the rest fell into good rhyme...and a story to boot! A fine job, and i'm only impressed further because I can only write negative poetry...which brings me to:

Suicide

Broken soul
Shattered mind
Thoughts too many,
All behind
Darkness rise
Happy fall
No hope will be left at all
Blood on ground
Blood in air
Far too many unaware


Ferret dark,
Badger bold,
Fox with too much hate to hold.
Hatred found,
Love’s been lost
Faith for star
Instead of cross.
Sword is glistening
In the rain
Mouse who ne’er will speak again
Many voices
All ‘round me
Cursing me
To drown in sea


Pounding blows
Struck in mind
Left too much suff’ring behind
Has come back
To drag me down
As I kill without a frown
Guilty pleasure
All for me
As I spill guts
For all to see.


Many outcasts
Camped out here
Trust and faith are never near
Food is stolen,
Teeth are gnashed,
Shivering slaves are starved and lashed.


Disregard for all round me
As I break the chain of good
I disregard the Lord’s angels
And carve pentagrams into wood
Loathing long, near and far
For gold, for beast, for the North Star
I cast myself off of the cliff,
Never doubting or holding back,
I clutch in hand my blood-soaked sword
As my world falls into black.

There ya go...

Kind of a dark atmosphere (o rly :D ), but I like it!

I wrote some poems a few years ago when I was supposed to be working in Chemistry class.

Here's one.

Gingerbread Ducks.

I once saw a duck, and thought
"I wonder..."
I wonder if you get gingerbread ducks.
They could be like gingerbread men,
Only duck shaped,
And waterproof.



Here's another!

A Poem

Oh, my woe,
Is based on an afro,
It's powers too great,
It's fabulously late.

And now I must go,
And hide from the 'fro...



I'll put more of them up soon. ^_^

I like them, "Gingerbread Ducks" was funny even though it didn't rhyme!

Revenge

I placed my faith in you
But what for I now know not
I followed and obeyed,
You left me here to rot.
Your power now is greater
Your vision is now full
But just think what will happen
When I climb out of this hole.
This wretched pit so dark and cold,
That stinks of pure disease,
And where, from the surface,
Drifts a rancid, rotten breeze.
You think you’ve won, don’t be so sure
For me, the sickness is the cure
While lying here, with hatred pure,
I smile knowingly.
You see, the bleak and the insane
Are reminiscent of my pain
The pain that plagues my dirty mind,
Certainly would strike some blind,
But I know how to take control
And use it to escape this hole.
Revenge will be sweet and long
My sword is singing your death song,
But trust no one, it might be me,
Now that I am finally free!
My footpaws pound the winter dirt,
Packed down and laced with frost,
Now you see a season isn’t all I’ve lost,
I’ve lost my tolerance for you,
And I will stand no more,
I’ll hunt you down and beat you hard,
For I now declare war!
I’m sure I’m not the only one around that wants you dead,
From ocean wet, to desert dry,
A price is on your head
A bounty paid for not with gold
But with the killing stroke,
The privilege to drop the noose
From which you soon will choke.
But now I’ve finally found you,
Cowering on the floor,
I have been given everything
I couldn’t ask for more!
My eyes stare straight into yours
But what they see is weak,
A gaze that betrays knowing
Of death painfully bleak.
My revenge is a sweet one,
Fulfilling at the least,
And to you I give these words:
Don’t betray a Hellbeast!

moved


nice poems! :ok:

Thank you very much! ^_^

I'll post another in a bit, but first, does anyone here happen to like Star Fox?

if it's anything like firefox, we don't mind, but keep the odes to it down.

ok, I'm sorry. I didn't want to offend you. please (pP with L of S and C on T) post you poem...

Well, you didn't offend me, but I can't post any poems until my computer starts working correctly, because for some reason the computer with all of my text files on it won't recognize abandonia as a website! I don't even know what's going on...

I'll post it as soon as I find out what's going on.

Some more of my old poetry for you all to enjoy!


My Uncondition

The many airs in which we breathe
Are undying in this age
They are amongst our wonders
And in this wonderful web page

This is unlikely
To be a pizza


So beware of James


He is out to get you...



The Lion

To be a pen
Is not very fun.
It's eternal doom
Is worse than a spoon.
And in the end
It will not be fed,
And curl up instead.

That is the life of a pen.

*chuckles* Very inventive, but not very much rhythym, a nice job nontheless

well, I might as well post one of mine... <.< not much though.


Eden Is Burning

Divine meaning or the conspiring doom?
Could this be the meaning, to be none at all?
Let these wounds heal and with time face the truth
What proof have you of our rise or our fall?
The privilege of failure seems distant to you
Open your eyes and you'll see you're the fool

Touch all the stars and count them to sleep
Give me a reason for angels to weep
Bleed all your sorrows or drink them away
Our God's its own end and we are the pain

Why is it that all the right things feel wrong?
We brought down the leader... dead all along


I know it sucks, but it's really good comparing to my first poems... well, tell me what you think, please.


By the way Iowa i liked your poems but they lacked rythm in my opinion. very good open poems nonetheless. oh, and can't you just put your poems in a disk? and move them from one computer to the other.

Cloudy, you rule man, hahaha. ;) gingerbread ducks was awesome!


PS: Iowa, might I ask how old you are?

I must say, Wolf, you're poem is quite nice! :ok:

I'm back to my old computer and can upload...which i'll do in a bit here, but first some issues.

Actually, all my poems have a set rhythym and none stray from it, I know that in a few lines it's forced, but if you play around a bit, you'll find it! Also, it's really not that I don't trust you, or that i'm paranoid or anything...but I really don't like giving out my age...all I can tell you is that i'm probably younger than you are.

Solitary Unraveling

I don’t care anymore
The world’s collapsed around me
I don’t care anymore
You stupid beasts astound me.
You live your lives in freedom
You’re slaves to nobeast’s paw
And yet you’re still complaining
And slaying minds of all.
For I am death,
Eternal fate,
Darkness fallen,
Open hellgate.
Bleed your death upon me
For my life is truly gone
I’m lost amidst the sorrow and sins
That the world’s based upon
And yet I linger,
Black and still
Eclipsed from sun
By heaven’s hill.
A broken mirror,
A fallen tear,
These words they are my guide
For no one but damned hellion,
Are with me at my side
Together we will conquer,
Kill and set things right
If we can’t escape from this,
You’ll never see the light
For only dark will hide the thoughts of death by one’s own paw
And never again will be unleashed
You’ll follow no one’s law!
By thy paw and by thy sword, we’ll set the demons free
And torch the live oppression
Till the time of eternity.
And with the knowledge
Sunken deep within your rotting mind,
You’ll follow me,
Eternally
And slaughter all the kind
The ones that think they help the world
But really only stain it
The ones who think they set it free
But really only tame it.
By dark, by night
You’ll show your might
You and I, we’ll set things right!
We’ll turn around and run no more,
We’ll kill from bloody shore to shore
We’ll march right up to heaven’s door,
And throw the angels on the floor.
And with this final action bold,
The pain will finally be no more.

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Iberian Wolf @ Aug 30 2006, 09:55 AM) [snapback]251814[/snapback]</div>Hehe thanks ^_^ I liked your poem too, was very cool =]

Iowa, awesome poem too! The title looks familiar too, being a Mushroomhead fan as I am :max: Very cool!

Thank you! ^_^

Solitare/Unraveling is an awesome song...it's the first Mhead song I ever heard...

Me Inside

So what do you do
When nothing goes right?
Your hate is your refuge
You're blinded to light
You suffer and sin,
And when they come to call
You’re only the wicked
You’re blamed for it all.

Your history melts you,
Rips you apart
You’re constantly drowning
In your ravaged heart
The horrors you suffer
Can never be killed
They torment you always
With uncaring will

You ravage your actions,
You kill for no cause
You smile and laugh
At your blood tainted claws.
Your mind is repulsive,
Mutated and wrong
You’ve never been able
To hear the birdsong.


Your loneliness haunts you
And flows through your veins
You convince all others
To follow your reign,
For spreading the hatred
Lessens the pain
Though never escaping
The life that you feign.

So welcome to darkness,
Welcome to me,
Welcome to all things that you’ll never be,
Welcome to sorrow,
You're no longer free.
Now you’re not eluding
You’re trapped in my cage
You’re always to feel my insufferable rage
And you’ll never escape
The terrors you find
Forever degraded,
In depths of my mind.

Sorry guys, but this is the last one...unless I make one up on the spot, you're outta luck.

ok... here's a poem from me. As I normally write in danish plz bare with me if it sucks in english :tomato:

My toes
reaches the edge of the abyss
of my cold world
Jeg kan feel the stones below
my naked feet

one step
and my feets
becomes free

one jump
and my thoughts falls asleep

a fall into nowhere
where I however
have lived for so long
or not lived

A cold breath of air twitches me
but still my feet stands still

Behind me, are endless thoughts
distortions, entanglements
and senseless tears

Infront of me is freedom.

I fill my lungs
with the still cold air
It's shimmering for my retina
and I lift one of my feet,
move the feet forward and take a step

- away from the abyss
yet still directly down there.

-Enidra

pretty good...
^this is the best part

can you put the non-translated version too?

Very nice Enidra! ^_^

And that's saying something, normally I really don't care for free-form...

Iowa: Sounds more like lyrics to some Doom Metal song :) And a good one that could be!

Anyway if you present it like poetry, it sounds a little bit bland. Not much of an artistic expression. BUT there are some good parts though.

:ok: I mean it like a friendly advice. No offense ;)

Well, that is good to know...if I ever join/start a band, i'll use them for song lyrics!

...I personally thought it had expression :unsure: ...but whatever... :ph34r:

Expression yes. But when it comes to art you should think about more artistic expression. Oh but nevermind. If you feel that your work is good don't bother listening to me ;) I may be ignorant myself :) In fact if your poems make just one person happy (in this case, more like sad :D) , you've done a good job.

Woohoo! :brain:

Yes, I enjoy writing depressing things...

hah, nice one's you've got there, I really liked the solitary thingy one. really good stuff ;)


here's anothe rpoem of mine... this one was actually turned into a song, though it didn't work out. oh well...

Violent Lovers Seldom Survive

His world
Is a million pieces of broken dreams and hopes
His rage never ceases, his love always drowns
And he can't hide the fact that he still loves her
When her knees are on the ground
And her lips are smiling at him

Her world has given up on her
All that she wanted was the kiss she never had
She screams tonight, her lips are sealed
But her eyes are not
She cries all night, but it's so different
When she's left to rot

His world
Has crumbled once again to find himself
Going up the stairs that once led him there
It's not enough, he felt her shell
Break apart, what does she have to bear
Her kiss was the reason
Her last kiss tasted like the world fell on him
Her wish was the reason
Her last wish was that time would never lack
She was wrong when the clock was just past midnight
He never sinned
And she walked away like it was the very last time
He'd see her face

Her world is in tones of crimson and hazel
Her room is intoxicated with the tears she bled
When your world is upside down what do you do?
Instead of killing yourself with the nearest cleaver you find
And she could find a million reasons to help her get through
She was so tired of bleeding
Her life she threw away

So now we have two broken souls
A peaceful end for a violent love


i've still got a long way to go.

:omg2: <-- That's all i've to say...what it lacks in rhyme, it makes up for with painfully concentrated emotion...

I forgot that I actually do have another one on here that I haven't posted:

The Fight Song

Cast down and ravaged
You all feel the bite
Of sword and of arrow,
Wielded by light
And who are they who possess such might?
Nobeasts who’d stand against you in a fight
They think we’re all vermin
We’ve all heard the jeers!
Our kin executed?
We’ve all heard the cheers!
And out of the darkness the vermin we call
Our forefathers trapped within Dark Forest walls!
To channel ourselves and our courage within
To smite the kingdom of short sighted them!
And with our new power we rise from the dust
True pain and suffering are all but a must!
They’ll cry out in anguish!
They’ll cry out in pain!
They’ll cry for their Savior again and again!
But they’ll never have comfort,
They won’t see the light,
Let them live our lives of hatred and spite!
And right by my side you will march and ignite
Dwellings and churches with our firelight!
Whatever you see is yours through and through,
If fancied, take not just one, but two!
Through all of the alleys let ring out our cry!
Let them all know how they’re ‘bout to die!
Crush them and skin them and cut off their heads!
Soon all of those who oppose will be dead!
We’ll kill all the families!
We’ll darken the light!
Their judgement has come…


FIGHT!
FIGHT!

:hysterical: priceless

So you don't like it then, I take it...

it's just that these kind of things reaaaly make me laugh cause they sound retarded. it's too untr00!

Diabet

Imi zici atatea vorbe frumoase
Ce put a flori de mar,
Dar care se scufunda in tarana de pe cer...
Eu, mai brav, te vorbesc pe la spate,
Cuvinte-mbibate in cacat glucozic.
Care din noi are dreptate?
Cand sarea va cadea pe rana
Adevarul va iesi la suprafata
Precum rahatul in canalizare.

i will translate it later..probably

Hiya Iowa :)

I was just wondering about your last poem - At the begining it's "you" who has/is the metaphorical* light yes? But at the end of the poem "you're" taking the light away... It's a tad confusing.

Did I miss something or did the device get muddled up along the way?

*I'm assuming it is a metaphor ;)

By the way - I love the Gingerbread Ducks!

(Also, there's a post by post poem being created by folks over in the Games and Competitions section of the forum - the more the merrier!)

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Himmler @ Sep 29 2006, 12:43 PM) [snapback]258245[/snapback]</div>Himmler, if you've no clue about what you're reading about, and from what it sounds like, are not even wanting to read our poetry, but rather try to degrade us with shameless trolling, then leave.

No, no, you've got it wrong:

"Of sword and of arrow,
Wielded by light
And who are they who possess such might?
Nobeasts who’d stand against you in a fight"

The word "they" is not pertaining to myself, if you examine it closer, you'll see that I am personified as the person rallying these people with the messages of hatred found in the text.