Whats Your favourite worst joke ever told, one of my favourites has to be:

Man: Doctor Doctor, I can't stop singing "Green Green Grass of home"
Doc: Are You Joking
Man: No, Honestly
Doc: Oh, I think I know what you have!
Man: Please Tell me?
Doc: You've caught TomJones-itus
Man: Is it common
Doc Well......Its not unnnusssualllllll

:kosta:

That's not even a joke, you know... :eeeeeh: Unless you were asking for the worst WRONG-told joke one ever heard... :w00t:

How Dare You!

It is a bad joke, but a joke non the less.

:bleh:

Wanna hear worse?
Get over here - I can't shout that loud!
:tomato:

Lets hear it?

Exactly... that was the point... Now if that's not a bad joke I don't know what is... so you better not get me started - or I'll go and resurect the WORST JOKE ever thread and start posting as many terrible jokes as I possibly can.
Like this:
What's big, brown and goes oom, oom?
A big brown cow walking backwards.

And here come the tomatoes:
:tomato: :tomato: :tomato:

What's small, red and white, and spins in a circle?
Baby in a blender.

Why do you put a baby in the blender feet-first?
To see the expression on his face.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
One, if you throw him hard enough.

What's worse than a truck full of dead babies?
A truck full of dead babies with a live one trying to eat his way out.

What's worse than a fridge with sixteen dead babies?
One dead baby between sixteen fridges.


I got too many of these :P

Shouldn't that first one be Tom Jones-itis? It makes slightly more sense then...

I'm pretty sure there's a massive thread about this already.

It would've been a joke with "Tom JONES"-itus... :bleh:

What does the blind man say when walking by the fish-market?
"Hey Gals!"

haha í actuly laughed at that one:D

But here is one gross...

A child molester goes to the golden gate in heaven after he died and saint peter ask's him,: Do you wanna talk to god?
Then the Child molester say's :no, but i'd like to speak to baby jesus.

:tomato: :sick:

@ stebbi:

Don't you think that this ACTUALLY goes a little TOO far? :eeeeeh:

Old Joke:
How do you circumcise a Priest?
Kick the Alter Boy in the Chin

What do you call a somalian with a big toe?
A golf club

Random Joke:
Whats white and swings from a tree?
A Fridge!
Whats Black and White and swings from a tree?
A Fridge wearing a tuxedo

Whats the odd one out?
-Eggs
-Meat
-Your wife
-Or a Blow job

A blow job obviously!
You can beat eggs, meat and even your wife, but you can't beat a blowjob!!!

How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
How many?
Just two, but I still don't know how they got in there!

My wife told me to take her somewhere expensive.... I took her to a gas station.

Wanna see a lame joke? See this smudge in the mirror here.... Oh, thats you!

If I had a penny for every stupid thing you've done, I could pay of the debt of the united states!

What do you call a black man on a bike?

A thief

What do you call two black men riding bikes?

Organised crime

What do you call three black men riding bikes?

A jailbreak

ohhhh bit contriversial in this day and age.
But its only a laugh :ok:

:w00t: LOL :roflol: :roflol: :roflol: :kosta: :kosta: :kosta:
I haven't heard a good joke like that in a long time :ok:

What's the difference between a pedofile and a parent?
The pedofile really loves the kids :whistle:

What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
Pregnant

How does a blonde call a guy?
Doesn't matter, he'll "come" anyway.

Q: Why is it so cold in null space?
A: There are no elements

:tomato: :tomato: :tomato: :tomato: :tomato:

*This bad joke only makes sense in Swedish...*

I'll have to take your word for it

Erm, right. Could you give us the Swedish version, then?

One atom said to the other: "I think I lost an electron"
"Are you sure?"
"I'm positive"

Haha, good one there.

Man walks into a bar, orders a pint of lager and sinks it all in one.
He then looks in his shirt pocket.
He calls the bartender over and orders another, again he sinks it and looks in his shirt pocket.
This goes on for another 4 or 5 pints before the bartenders curiosity gets the better of him.
The bartender asks "Why do you look in your shirt pocket after every pint".
To which the man replies "I've got a picture of my wife in there, as soon as she starts lookin like she did 20 years ago im off home!". :cheers:

A man walks into a bar and hurts his head.

My actual one is a bit racist. So I'm not gonna say it.

This is the bad taste thread so go ahead and post it, it's what this thread is for.

oh, and everyone else, this is not the thread for none-bad taste jokes. Post them in the normal jokes thread.

Anyone posting a joke that is not offensive to any racial/cultural/religious groups (or just people in general) will be banned from posting in this thread :D

The thread wasn't intended to be racially offensive, it was meant to be a thread for jokes that stink!!!

But if I have to:

What do you do if you see a Black man drowning?
Throw in his wife and kids
What do you do if they're still struggling?
Throw in an anchor!

We already have a thread for them here. We haven't got one for offensive jokes yet (I think I'll put a warning in the thread's title).

Elton John walks into a tattoo parlour.
He asks the tattoo artist for a Ferrari to be tattoo'd on his ****.
The artist then replies "Why the hell would you want a tattoo of a Ferrari on your ****".
To which Elton John says "Because I'm rich and I can do whatever the fu<k I want"
The artist not to fond of Elton after this comment asks him "Would you not prefare a 'four by four' instead".
"Why would I want a 4x4 on my ****" questions Elton.
The artist the replies "So you can DRIVE thought more muck, now get the fu<k outta my shop"

The husband gets home and finds his wife naked, rubbing her breasts in front of the mirror.
"What are you doing," he asks.
"I heard that if you rub them, they get bigger".
The man goes to the bathroom and comes back with a roll of toilet paper. "Here, rub this between your breasts," he says.
"Why? That wouldn't work..."
"Oh no?" he replies. "Just look what it did for your as$!"

If that wasn't offensive, the next few are...
Disclaimer: for amusement purposes only!


What do you say if you see a TV floating in the dark?
Drop it, nigga!

What do you call a hundred black people at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.

What do you call a black man in the fridge?
Stiff sh!t.

What do you call a black man with a gun?
Sir.

What do you call a black man behind bars?
Whatever you want.

What are three things you can't give a black man?
A black eye, a fat lip and a job.

And if you think I have something against black people, you should know there's one in my family tree.
He's hanging from the highest branch.

Offensive... hm... maybe I could remember one or two...

Lager führer: "You jews, tonight we're having a party!"
Jews: "HURAHH!!!"
One jew: "Who's playing?"
Lager Führer: "Hans on the machine gun."

Why did Hitler kill himself at the end of the war?
He got the gas bill.

I know these are terrible (but I got dozen more...), but I think you got the idea.

How do you make roads cheeply?
Tell ******* to lay down in a line and go over them with a steam-roller.
How do you make white lines in the middle of the road?
Each tenth one must smile.
How do you make the yellow lines for the bus stops?
Get Vietnamese.

How about sexist? :D


What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, she's already been told twice.

Sexist eh?

Why do women have small feet?
So they can get closer to the kitchen sink.

Sexist:

What's wrong if the wife comes from the kitchen into the living room?
The chain is too long.

What's wrong if the wife comes after you in a bar?
The chain broke.

The moral of the story - don't buy bad quality stuff for her, simply because she's a woman.

If your wife and your dog are outside, making lots of noise, which one do you let in?
The dog, at least it'll shut up once it's inside.

What do you do if you see a black man with half a head?
Stop laughing and reload!

How do you know a black man trespassed on your property?
The garbage bin is empty, the dog's pregnant and one of your shoes is missing.

"I wanna be like Hitler when I grow up: I wanna kill all the jews and a clown!"
"Why would you kill a clown?"
"See? SEE? Nobody cares about the jews!"

A little boy comes running home to mummy.
"That little jewish boy stole my bike!"
"Don't worry, if you eat your vegetables you'll grow to be big enough and will be able to take your revenge. Trust me Adolf"

Hitler comes to church,kneels before the statue of crucified Jesus.
Hitler:Jesus,I thank you for giving me Poland
Jesus:Youre lucky
Hitler I aso thank you for giving me Czechoslovakia
Jesus:Youre lucky
Hitler:why am I lucky?
Jesus:because i my leges werent nailed to the cross,I would kick you in the face!

What's the diffrence between a Black man and a basketball...........you can't kick a basketball.


What the diffrence between:A Blackman and a trampolin.......you have to take you shoes of before you jump on the trampolin.


What the diffrence between: A jew and a pizza...........The Pizza doesent scream when it is in the oven.

How long does it take for a black woman to take out the trash..
Nine months!

Oh noes! Racism. :w00t:


Gipsies are worse.

And even more racist jokes....

how do you know if a black woman is pregnant?
You stick a banana upp her Vag**a and sé if anything takes a bite.

My favorite bad jokes/oxymorons.

You Jewish Nazi
Skin-Head: Wait, so you say I've been mixing up Ghandi with Hitler?
Come back here, you skinny-fat-douche
Act naturally
Happily married
Microsoft Works
Holy war
Found missing
Resident alien
Minor Catastrophe
Affordable housing
Near miss
Great depression
Canadian army
Phone sex
United nations
Advanced BASIC
Genuine imitation
Death benefits
Airline Food
Women's rights
Good grief
Same difference
Almost exactly
Sensitive man
Government organization
Everything except
Civil War
Good kid
Sanitary landfill
Alone together
Legally drunk
Silent scream
British fashion
Living dead
Small crowd
Business ethics
Soft rock
behind Head
Military Intelligence
Software documentation
New York culture
New classic
Sweet sorrow
Childproof
"Now, then"
Synthetic natural gas
Christian Scientists
Passive aggressive
Taped live
Clearly misunderstood
Peace force
Extinct Life
Temporary tax increase
New and improved
Computer jock
Plastic glasses
Terribly pleased
Computer security
Political science
Tight slacks
Definite maybe
Pretty ugly
Twelve-ounce pound cake
Diet ice cream
Rap music
Working vacation
Exact estimate
Religious tolerance
Freezer Burn
Honest Politician
Jumbo Shrimp
Loners Club
Postal Service

Amen to those! :D

I only understood what "oxymorons" mean after:

LOL nice.

Here's a OLD SCHOOL one:

What call a hairy man?

A Chia-Pet with a afro. (LAME)

Here's something NEW SCHOOL!

Im getting married to my right hand.

Pet Rocks....
I think that says enough RIGHT there...

That wasn't offensive...

Two dogs were talking...
1: I've a really big problem. Every time I'm needy and get close to a bitch, people start chasing me away.
2: I haven't any such problems. I'm a pure-breed and when I feel horney my misstress...
First dog interupts: Yeah, yeah... You have a blonde for a misstress.

A blonde brings her dog to the vet.
Blonde: Every time I bend over, my dog jumps on me and starts raping me.
Vet: We'll just cut his dong and have it done with.
Blonde: Heavens no, I just wanted you to trim his claws a little and maybe give him some strong breath mints.

Haha! I don't know why I find that funny. :roflol:

One day in the bar, man 1 brags to his two other buddies that his Girlfriend is a sex beast and she has decided to move in with him. Man 2 congratulates him and buys him a drink, then says that although his wife loves him fiercly, he has been getting some from his assistant at work. Man 3 says heh, you guys think you have enough? Man 1 and 2 look at him quizically, and man 3 says, I am lucky I am a sheepherder....

uhh what's the difference between a blonde and a 747??









give up???



















everyones been in a blonde but not in a 747 LOL

This reminds me... blonde jokes:

What do blondes and turtles have in common?
Once they're on their backs, they can't get up.

What's the difference between a blonde and a turtle?
The turtle doesn't spred the legs when it falls on the back.

What's the difference between a monkey and a blonde?
Make-up and silicone.

How do you know a blonde played with the computer?
There's a condome on the joystick.

What's the difference between a blonde and a BMW?
You don't lend your BMW to your friends.

What do blondes and hunting guns have in common?
First you bend them you load them.

What does one blonde's foot say to the other?
"Haven't seen you in days."

Why do blondes have shaven pussies?
Have you ever seen grass grow on the highway?

What do you call a blonde who dyed her hair?
Artificail intelegence.

What do blonds have in common with life?
Life sucks...

What's the most envirenmental friendly thing on the face of the earth?
A blonde trying to quit smoking cigarets.

A blonde who couldn't tell time made made an apointment with two guys at the same time.
She managed to squeeze them both in.

How do for blondes sit down on a bar chair?
They turn the chair around.

What happens if an aged blonde sits on a bar chair?
She sinks.

Why don't blonds eat pickles?
They can't reach in the jar with their mouth.

A blonde went into an erotic-shop to buy a few dildos.
The shop got closed down by the fire inspector the next day, because they had no more fire extinguishers.

one day a blonde got so tired with all the jokes she decided to hang herself from a tree

1 hour later some one came past and said why are you hanging from your feet?

blonde: i'm trieing to hang my self!

person:aren't you suppossed to hang your self by the neck

blonde: well i tried that but it hurt!

A classic:

I liked that one.

Anyway, wasn't this one for BAD jokes, not offensive or rasist?

This one was called "the stupidest joke ever" :

Two guys were walking down the street.
Brick felt on the first one, the other one's name was Joe.


No hidden stuff, just a stupid joke.

one native asks the chief how do you name our people he says by the first thing we see. The cheif says why do you ask Two dogs fu|<ing

How do you know a black man is a hockey player? He only has three teeth instead of five.

The worst joke:

I hate this forum. LOL

Hehe, I love you guys, you crack me up. :D

A really offensive one:

Look at Little Fish's new avatar :tomato:

The guy has taste ya'know... :whistle:

The last guy that chose that avvie was in really bad taste...

http://www.hammerposters.com/pics/ita10092.jpg
hay look its harry potter with a chainsaw being crushed by the ''man''

Erm, right. Could you give us the Swedish version, then? [/b][/quote]
Q: Varför är det s? kallt i nollrummet?
A: Det finns inga element!

*It's a math joke*

Spammer! That's not offensive - I'm telling on you *yells for R Havell*

Here is a slightly offensive joke (a worse one to follow):

Sorry for the double post, but here the other one.

Pfft, there's at least one user on every forum with a "boob avatar". If this keeps up I'll have a collection of all the "boob avatars" in the world :P

Also:

Here's a really dirty one (children look away - admins too I guess):

You're mistaking the "Bad joke" thread for offensive ones Seb.
This was meant to be crappy jokes in the first place.
None of these are really offensive or funny, so I dub you the BadJokeKing because none of your jokes are good at all.



:D Yay me.

Not good = bad.

So technically he is the bad joke king.
What don't you understand? :blink:

Read THIS you ignorat fool and kneel down in front of me!

Read THIS you ignorat fool and kneel down in front of me! [/b][/quote]
After seeing those pictures, I think he'd rather not... :ph34r:

Well here is something that happend in denmark that pissed me off.

Read THIS you ignorat fool and kneel down in front of me! [/b][/quote]
What's that supposed to show me?
You just linked to the same exact topic we're in currently.
The topic even started off with a crappy joke.

You confuse me.

Hey, I get it!
Nice joke cheesecake. :D

@Stebbi - Was that meant to be the US flag they're burning.
That's a bit stupid. :D Good one though.

P.S. - What's a ignorat? It reminds me of Nougat, I do like Nougat.
P.P.S. - Hey, if your link was meant to throw off my comment, then how do you explain this from the thread creator?

Read R Havell's post that is linked too - it explains the meaning of this topic (offensive jokes - nothing else), do you really think I'd be posting such crap here otherwise?

This was from the guy who wrote the thread Seb, you just got beat at your own game. :D

No it was sopposed to be the british. :D

Here's one I like:

Not really that funny.
Here's a better one.

Nikson's hygiene.

:D

HAha LOL

I know, but a mod has reverted his decision - so who do you wanna listen too? And read the suptitle of the thread :whistle:

No it was sopposed to be the british. :D [/b][/quote]
British..?
Well, Iceland is a much better choise! I mean, theres so few Icelandic people noone would ever notice.
Well, that would be the case, if it wasn't for the fact there is so little entertainment in Iceland you're all glued to your PCs day and night.

[ :tai: ]
I hate you Danny :pissed:

Does that come in intelligble english?
LOL
I dont hate Iceland. I wanna go there sometime :P

http://www.anatomia.ru/specimens/injury.jpg

I wonder if the metal tastes nice....

Metal does taste nice. Just not when its stuck in your face like so.

See what happens when you don't wear your safety goggles? Bet that guy wishes he'd listened to the shop teacher now.

Also, I think it's funny that it took until page six for someone to post that this entire thread violates the Abandonia Terms of Service.

[ :angry: ]

LOL we all should be yelling at you for complaining about a thread that is souly based on bad taste jokes and you whined about it LOL

Why is a gay guy never late for his flight? his shi7s already packed
How do you fit 4 gay guys on a bar stool? turn it over

don't expect being welcome :whistle:

God envited Adam and Eve and told them it has two final gifts for them.
"The first one will help the person aim while peeing."
Adam jumped up: "That's great, that's just what I need!"
God gave him that thing and Adam ran off happily signing his name in the sand while taking a piss.
"Well the other thing is for you then Eve. I call it brains."



Adam walks up to God.
"Lord, why did you have to make Eve so sexy?"
"So you could love her Adam."
"But why did you have to make it so stupid then?"
"Because otherwise there'd be no way she'd ever fall in love with you!"



A man brags in the bar: "I always have the last word in my home."
His wife says: "He can always finish a convesation by saying: yes dear."

Adam complains to God that he wants a wife.
God:well, i could make you woman that would be smart,pretty and would be in love with you.
Adam: thats great! but wait, it will cost me something i suppose..
God: Yes, it will cost you one arm and one leg.
Adam:Hmm,thats too much.But god,what could you make from one rib?

Why did the toddler drop his lollipop?
Because he was hit by a truck.

How is American beer like making love in a canoe?
It's f***ing close to water!

And since nobody seems to wholly agree whether this thread is for bad jokes or jokes in bad taste, I'll just post a few Swedish jokes here. Ah, the joys of visiting Finland long enough to pick up a few jokes about their beloved neighbors.

(Norwegian joke) What's the difference between living in Norway and living in Sweden?
Sweden's got nice neighbors.

Here's a party games Swedes play: one Swede goes into a box and the other Swede has to guess which Swede is in it.

A Swede was in a pub in Finland and a regular customer suggested to him: "I'll give you $200, if you let me smash ten beer bottles on your head".
The Swede thought for a while and finally agreed, partly because of the peer pressure.
The Finn smashed the first bottle on the Swede's head, and then the second and so on, but he stopped after smashing nine bottles.
"So, when are you going to smash the tenth bottle?" asked the Swede.
"I am not a total idiot", the Finn replied, "then I would have to give you that $200".

And a joke about Americans. Just a joke, I swear?

A Russian, a American and a Canadian are out riding horses. The Russian pulls out an expensive bottle of vodka, takes a shot, then another, and suddenly throws the bottle in the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the bottle in mid air. The American looks at him and says, "What are you doing?! That was a perfectly good bottle of Vodka!" The Russian says, "In Russia, there's plenty of Vodka and bottles are cheap."
A while later, not wanting to be outdone, the American pulls out a bottle of Whiskey, takes a few sips, throws the bottle in the air, pulls out his gun and shoots it. The guy from Canada can't believe this and says, "What did you do that for? That was an expensive bottle of Whiskey!"
The American says, "In America there's plenty of Whiskey and bottles are cheap."
So a while later the guy from Canada pulls out a bottle of beer. He opens it, takes a sip, takes another sip, and then chugs the rest. He then puts the bottle back in his saddlebag, pulls out his gun, turns around and shoots the American.
The Russian, shocked, says, "Why did you do that?"
The Canadian says, "Well, in Canada, we have plenty of Americans, but bottles are worth a dime."