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STROGGY: -My determination (like: technically I have dyscalculia, which prevents me from solving mathematical problems. But due to my determination I managed to get an 81% on the exams last year and a 100% at the first reportcard this year... without the help of tutors)
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That's impresive!
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STROGGY: My greatest frustration, however, is:
Overflowing with creativity, but not being able to actually create anything with it.
I tried painting and drawing... didn't work.
I tried computer based graphics (2d and 3d) but I can only create simple things in 2d and I can't progress with 3d because I don't have the money to buy any high-end programs like 3d studio max or Lighwave.
I tried writing, but by the time I finished writing my 700-page novel I grew to dislike my style of writing and decided to start over... I still haven't written one page. The ideas are there. I can imagine every scenario in my mind. Its the actual writing, putting the ideas on paper in a way that would please both me and the readers. That is very difficult.
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I know just what you mean. My longer works are never good enough - so I started writing short stories (from 1/2 to 5 pages). Works much better and I had some succes with them - performed 12 times all over the country.
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FREDDY: I had some friends back then and much freedom in the close yard of our very big, with many entrances, multi-family house. There were garages which we could climb all the time (which sometimes annoyed some people too ) and playing war with toy guns and all, and we climbed up to the attic where it was very hot during a summer.
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Ah the found childhood memories. No tree was ever just a tree - it was always a begining of a quest - eiter a castle - a look out point - a pirate ship - even a space ship... Climbing on other people's garages was always great fun too!
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FREDDY: I spotted a hedgehog and wanted to hold it in the hands, as I generally like animals. As it saw me, it immediately rolled together and remained that when I took him. I absolutely wanted to see his face so I tried to unroll him, but he just rolled himself together even more then. While trying that, I stung myself on his needles. This made me so furious that I dropped the hedgehog to the soil and started to kick it, again and again, every time stronger. I didn't think, just kicked him. And when I came to senses, he didn't move anymore...
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As long as you're not proud of it and know that it was wrong...
This is just basical case of temporary insanity, but it proves your a good man Freddy. You should try and forgive yourself - you had the best intentions and you maybe had a bad day or something...
I remember when once I ran over a cat with my car. Wasn't intentional...
I stopped when the cat ran over the road and just started driving on, but the cat turned on the other side and jumped back on the road again - strait under my wheels. There was nothing I could do.
So as long you haven't done it on purpose and you really regret it I think you really should forgive yourself.