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![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: ,
Posts: 608
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![]() From Chrono Trigger to Tales of Symphonia, we hold these truths to be self evident.
Randomly selected Examples: Gender Equality, Part 1 (Feena Rule) Your average female RPG character carries a variety of deadly weapons and can effortlessly hack or magic her way through armies of monsters, killer cyborgs, and mutated boss creatures without breaking a sweat. She may be an accomplished ninja, a superpowered secret agent, or the world's greatest adventurer. However, if one of the game's villains manages to sneak up and grab her by the Standard Female Character Grab Area (her upper arm) she will be rendered utterly helpless until rescued by the hero. Zelda's Axiom Whenever somebody tells you about "the five ancient talismans" or "the nine legendary crystals" or whatever, you can be quite confident that Saving the World will require you to go out and find every last one of them. George W. Bush Geography Simplification Initiative Every country in the world will have exactly one town in it, except for the country you start out in, which will have three. Not Invented Here Trade of technology will not exist. One place in the world will have all the techno-gadgets while all the others will be harvesting dirt. First Law of Travel Anything can become a vehicle -- castles, cities, military academies, you name it -- so do not be alarmed when the stones of the ancient fortress you are visiting shake underfoot and the whole thing lifts off into the sky. As a corollary, anything is capable of flight if it would be cool, aeronautics or even basic physics be damned. Dungeon Design 201 (or, The Interior Decorators Anticipated Your Out-Of-Body Experience) Most dungeons will include "hidden" passages which are nearly impossible to see from a bird's-eye view, yet would be blaringly obvious from the party's perspective. Weapon Rule There's always a hidden creature who is much harder to defeat than even the ultimate bad guy's final, world-annihilating form. It's lucky for all concerned that this hidden creature prefers to stay hidden rather than trying to take over the world himself, because he'd probably win. As a corollary, whatever reward you get for killing the hidden creature is basically worthless because by the time you're powerful enough to defeat him, you don't need it any more. Adam Smith's Revenge By the end of the game you are renowned everywhere as the Legendary Heroes, every surviving government and authority figure has rallied behind you, the fate of the world is obviously hanging in the balance, and out of nowhere random passers-by give you a pat on the back and heartfelt good luck wishes. However, shopkeepers won't even give you a discount, much less free supplies for the final battle with evil. Compression of Time As you approach the final confrontation with the villain, events will become increasingly awkward, contrived and disconnected from one another -- almost as if some cosmic Author was running up against a deadline and had to slap together the ending at the last minute. |
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![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Shella, Kenya
Posts: 968
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![]() I love these:
Bed Bed Bed A good night's sleep will cure all wounds, diseases, and disabilities, up to and including death in battle. Short Attention Span Principle All bookshelves contain exactly one book, which only has enough text on it to fill up half a page. Planet of the Apes Rule All cities and countries have ancestors that were wiped out by their technological advances. Garrett's Principle Let's not mince words: you're a thief. You can walk into just about anybody's house like the door wasn't even locked. You just barge right in and start looking for stuff. Anything you can find that's not nailed down is yours to keep. You will often walk into perfect strangers' houses, lift their precious artifacts, and then chat with them like you were old neighbors as you head back out with their family heirlooms under your arm. Unfortunately, this never works in stores. Dungeon Design 101 There's always goodies hidden behind the waterfall. |
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