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[Fruit Pie Jones]

I declare that you shall all bow down before my superior English grammar skills! Your dangling participles shall be severed and thrown to the wolves! Your double negatives shall be negated yet again - oh yes, a third time! Your misplaced modifiers shall be modified and replaced! Your run-on sentences shall be run down like the dogs that they are! Your split infinitives shall be ground together with great force! Your unclear antecedents shall be made clear - painfully clear! Your possessives shall possess! Your contractions shall contract! And your use of semicolons? Hah! Do not even dare to speak to me of your use of semicolons, lest you be thrown into the pit, where there is much weeping and red ink!

That's my special way of volunteering for the Grammar Squad, should one be formed.