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[Toxik]

Doctor comes to guy in hospital..
I have some good news and some bad news for you
The bad news are that you have incurable cancer
The guy,absolutely shocked,says:And the good news?
Doctor replies:You see that nice blonde nurse there?Well,Im having a date with her tonight

And now some "absolute" jokes(not to be mistaken with absolut jokes)

You know what's:
absolute slime?
Two snails making out in spit-bowl

absolute drunkeness?
when you cant even lie on the ground without somebody helping you.

absolute fat?
When you lie on the beach and greenpeace starts pulling you back to the sea.

absolute unluckiness?
when you jump out of burning plane and land directly on sinking ship.

[a1s]

I have remebered a joke (about artifical intelegence), hope it hasn't been told yet:
the americans have buildt a giant super computer to help them in their military operations. the head general sak it:
"should we be on offence or defence?"
the computer thinks fro two hours and answers:
>yes.
"yes what?" asks the general
the computer thinks for one more hour ands answers:
>yes, sir!

[Himmler]

the basis of socialist democracy:God created the woman and said:
-Adam, pick a wife!

some night the husband and the wife come home from a wedding.climbing the stairs behind her he tells his wife:
-homey your a*s is the size of a washing machine
At night he tells her he wants to have sex
- for such a small clothing i won't start up my washing machine, you could wash it by hand

[rlbell]

Three soldiers are waiting for trip across the Atlantic, after the end of WWII, an american, a canadian, and a newfoundlander. They are sitting outside a pub, trying to figure out how to get a drink when none of them have any money. The american suddenly has an idea-- He will go into the puib, order a beer, and when the barman asks for his money, claim that he has already paid. When he gets back to the other two soldiers, he tells them that it worked. The canadian also tries it, and pulls it off, so the Newfoundlander has a go.

Barman: There were two other soldiers in here, and they swore up and down that they had paid for their beer, but I am certain that they did not pay.

Newfoundlander: Spare me your troubles, Barman, and give me the change from my fiver!

[gufu1992]

May be understanded only by russians

Two owls flying
Owl 1:BE carefull the is shlagBOOM
Owl 2:What shlagBOOM

[gregor]

it's like Two frogs go donw the street and one says "Watch out! It's a BM Wleeeaah!"

anyway....


Have you ever asked yourself:

Why the sun brightens our hair, yet darkens our skin?
Why can't women put make up on their eyelashes and keep their mouth shut during that?
Why don't we ever see a title in the newspaper saying: »Fortune-teller won the lottery«?
Why is »abbreviation« a long word?
Why the doctors the work/job they are doing »practice«?
Why do you need to clock on »START« button to turn of your computer?
Why the lemonade is made from artificial lemon aroma, while the detergents have real lemons in them?
Why do you call the man that invests your money on stock market »a broker«?
Why Noe didn't kill those two mosquitoes?
Why do they use sterilised needles to give lethal injections to condemned prisoners?
Why don't they make the whole plane from same material as black box?
Why the ship doesn't shrink when it rains on it?
Why are they called apartments, if they actually stick together instead of apart?
If CON is the opposite of PRO, does that mean that congress is the opposite of progress?
Why do the call the airport TERMINAL, if flying with planes is supposed to be safe?

[a1s]

Originally posted by gregor+Feb 24 2006, 01:52 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (gregor @ Feb 24 2006, 01:52 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'>If CON is the opposite of PRO, does that mean that congress is the opposite of progress?[/b]

well yeah... :whistle:
<!--QuoteBegin-gregor@Feb 24 2006, 01:52 PM
Why do the call the airport TERMINAL, if flying with planes is supposed to be safe?[/quote]
you haven't been to the "terminal first aid" yet, now that's scary.

[Icewolf]

What's pinned to the earth but moving all day?

Can you guess it?

When a submarine flies over the desert and throws off a bycycle,
how many meat balls fit in the submarie?

[Iron_Scarecrow]

I believe that last one belongs in the worlds worst joke thread.

[Himmler]

Phone Conversation

Lee Sum Wan: Hello can i speak to Annie Wan

Mr Sori: Yes u could speak to me.

Lee Sum Wan: No, i want to speak to Annie Wan!

Mr Sori: You are talking to someone! Who is this?

Lee Sum Wan: I'm Sum Wan. And i need to talk to Annie Wan! Its urgent.

Mr Sori: I know u are someone and u want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?

Lee Sum Wan: Well just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother, Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now Avery Wan is going to the hospital.

Mr Sori: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital from the accident that isnt an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but i dont have time for this!!!

Lee Sum Wan: You are rude. Who are you?

Mr Sori: I'm Sori.

Lee Sum Wan: You should be sorry. Now give me your name!

Mr Sori: I'm Sori !!

Lee Sum Wan: I dont like your tone of voice Mr and i dont care, give me your name!

Mr Sori: Look lady, I told you already I'm Sori ! I'm Sori !! I'm SORI !!! you didnt even give me your name!

Lee Sum Wan: I told u before i'm Sum Wan ! Sum Wan !!! You better be careful my father is Sum Buddy. And my uncle holds a very big position in the company. He is Noe Buddy.

Mr Sori: Oh im so scared (sarcastically) . Look i dont care about ur uncle he's a nobody. Everybody thinks his top dog and holding an important position in the company.

Lee Sum Wan: No Avery Buddy just married my aunt. And Avery Buddy doesnt work there.

Mr Sori: Like i said i dont care which one of ur aunt screws
everybody and i also know that not everybody works here! Jeez!!!

Lee Sum Wan: Which Wan(don't have any idea on how to alternatively spell the name)is my sis!

Mr. Sori: I dont know which one is ur sis! Why in gods name u think I do!? Look i got work to do and if im feeling mischievious i'll broadcast it on the P.A system saying. "Attention, someone called and said that anyones brother just got involved in an accident. But not to worry no one got injured and no one was sent to the hospital. But everyone is going to the hospital anyways. The father maybe a somebody but if u're their uncle, u're a nobody. And its not true about her aunt screwing everybody because i havent screw her yet."how bout that!?