[Fruit Pie Jones]

Here's the rundown on me:

Western: Pisces
Pisceans are intuitive, empathic, selfless, and spiritual. They feel the joys and pains of others, are the greatest lovers in the world, and are able to breathe underwater. Pisces is most compatible with Aquarius, who does a pretty good job of keeping the tank clean.

Eastern: Tiger
Tigers are sensitive, sympathetic, and capable of deep thinking. They have a tendency to be stubborn, but still somehow manage to be the greatest lovers in the world. Tigers are most compatible with Horses, Dragons, and Dogs. Have you tried the General Tso's Chicken?

Northern: Plaid Hat with Ear Flaps
Plaid Hats with Ear Flaps are warm and comforting. They make great companions and will never abandon a friend in difficult times. Their loyalty will last a lifetime, and this is one reason why they are considered the greatest lovers in the world. The Plaid Hat with Ear Flaps is compatible with the Drunken Hunter, the Beer, and the Moose, eh?

Southern: '67 Ford Pickup
'67 Ford Pickups maintain a low profile. They are certainly not flashy, preferring substance over style, but they are hard-working and dependable. Naturally, this makes them the greatest lovers in the world. The '67 Ford Pickup is compatible with the Grits, the Cut-Off Jeans, and the 12-Gauge Shotgun, but never with the '71 Chevy.