[zafo999]

Thought i'd copy a bunch of my short reviews from Flixster. A lot of them don't really review and are only one or two sentences summing up my experience. Some of them I spend time on and say something that's more thought out, some of them aren't even really reviews but are me just being a snob and swearing about how I loved it or hated it.

Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon - (4/5) - The concept is fantastic, the execution is moderately flawed. This may be the most (maybe the only) intelligent film to fit into the 'slasher' genre. Horror buffs will be able to see past the mediocre acting and sometimes awkward dialogue to find a surprisingly clever satire and tribute to classic slasher films.

Day of the Dead - (5/5) - The best of the trilogy.. or... quadilogy? Whatever. While it gets a bum rap from people who just want to see people fighting zombies, I think it is very progressive for the genre and one of the most profound in it's social commentary. Summarizing personalities between scientists, soldiers and civilians (similar to Akira).. making human ignorance the primary threat, the zombies themselves being secondary.. a Lord of the Flies feeling among the stranded survivors.. and an interesting 'humanity' angle with Bub, a zombie who is being trained to behave as a living human.. are all very original concepts to find in a zombie film. Day of the Dead transcends the horror and zombie genres.

Casino - (5/5) - My very favorite Scorsese movie and I believe his masterwork.

GoodFellas- (3/5) - I'm really not crazy about Goodfellas, and i'm a huge Scorsese nut. I don't even think it's anywhere among his best. It's a good movie but the main characters may be the least interesting characters. I found Ray Liotta and Lorraine Bracco to be somewhat annoying and lackluster. The interesting "mob life" story focuses mainly on the aesthetics and seems slightly pandering. Especially in contrast to 'Casino' or 'Raging Bull' which presents the setting secondary to the characters, making for a deeper, more emotionally attractive story.

Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit - (5/5) - Holy damn it, this is a great movie.

Chicken Run - (4/5) - This movie kind of came and went too quick for anybody to notice. It actually is one of the best stop motion films I've seen. It's rare to see a 'family' comedy that isn't so cheeseball that it makes you wince, while also not stooping to pop-culture references and 'this-ones-for-mom-and-dad' innuendo a la Shrek.

The Matrix - (3.5) - Revolutionary special effects that revived the American action movie for about 2 years.. combined with some philosophy crap to keep people from feeling too stupid from watching an action movie starring emotionless blocks of wood wearing leather and sunglasses... That's not just a shot at Reeves, by the way... They all kind of sucked. But a big-budget cyberpunk film will always get a thumbs up from me.

Hot Fuzz - (5/5) - I hate to say it, but even funnier than Shaun of the Dead. I wish every movie was made by these guys. Even pornos.

Freddy vs. Jason - (3/5) - You probably decided to love or hate this movie before you saw it. I know I did. It's not really a great movie by any stretch of the imagination, but if you were a kid who was waiting 10 years of his life for two un-killable killing machines to try and kill each other for 2 hours, then you and I should hang out sometime. It's all fan service, and fans of these franchises are idiots anyway. That being said, I goddamn love this movie. It's everything I ever dreamed it would be. And compared to the majority of the movies in the two franchises, it's actually very good.

Tim Burton's Corpse Bride - (2/5) - UGH!! UUUUGGGH!!!! What a disappointment. If we can learn anything from this, it's that Henry Selick deserves way more credit for Nightmare Before Christmas, and Tim Burton deserves much less. Yeah, Henry Selick. Look him up, simpleton.

The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou- (4/5) - Whoever didn't like this movie is garbage. Why can't comedy be this subtle more often? Oh yeah, people have taste for s**t.

Dead Alive (Braindead)- (5/5) - Peter Jackson's master work. An unprecedented bastardization of genre. A horror that goes for no scares and a comedy that deeply disturbs you. Big points for remaining the most relentlessly gory film in history, all with an almost Looney Tunes-style delivery!

Bad Taste- (5/5) - Holy crap, Lord of the Rings turned Peter Jackson into a piece of s**t. This is his first movie and remains the greatest no-budget movie of all time. I, for one, do not believe that production values = good movie, even though America generally disagrees. In fact, fans of Spider-Man and Pirate movies should probably keep away, as the production values won't be enough to equal entertainment in your tiny brain. Whereas the bizarre grossout humor, ugly-as-sin actors and overambitiously homemade sets, props, and costumes are the perfect combination for geniuses like myself.

Rocky - (5/5) - Perhaps the greatest sports film in history. It's a shame Stallone blew his proverbial load with it and went on to a career of garbage.

Rocky IV - (2/5) - Yeah, yeah. Ivan Drago is cool.. blah blah blah. Easily the worst of the series. The majority of the film is irrelevant scenes put to songs that last way too long. Even if other Rockys had crappy stories, at least they had A story, not like this mess which can't decide what it's about. But hey, it's still Rocky...

Garfield - The Movie - (1/5) - I didn't last 15 minutes...

Free Willy - (1/5) - I hated that short period of time where they would put out movies starring little kids with shaggy hair and jean jackets, and they almost always had divorced parents and were named "Jessie". So annoying, even when I was a kid it was annoying!

The Dress Code - (0.5/5) - This might be my least favorite movie of all time. Either this or High Fidelity.

Waterworld - (4/5) - Why did everyone hate this movie again?

Mortal Kombat - (3/5) - Probably the best video game movie.. although that still isn't saying much.

Bride of Chucky - (2/5) - I've got a huge hard on for Jennifer Tilly.. but not quite enough to watch this all the way through.

Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous - (5/5) - I've never seen it, nor do I plan to. But god damn it, that is the most brilliantly stupid movie title in history!

A Nightmare on Elm Street 2 - Freddy's Revenge - (1/5) - The worst of the series. In a series whose only merits are violent deaths and cheesy one-liners, Freddy 2 delivers few-to-none of each.

The Nightmare Before Christmas - (4.5/5) - I would have given this movie 5 stars, but ever since it's become the frontman for Hot Topic culture, I don't even feel right saying that I liked it. It deserves 5, but I have to make sure people know i'm not an awkward 14 year-old Skinny Puppy fan so 4.5.

Batman - The Movie - (4/5) - Still the best Batman movie. "Some days you just can't get rid of a bomb!"

Falling Down - (3/5) - Probably won't blow your mind. But it's extremely fun watching a man crack and do pretty much whatever he wants to do for 2 hours.

Meet the Feebles- (3/5) - Flawed in many ways, but there's an odd appeal in seeing puppets do just about everything that a puppet should never do.

The Ring - (2/5) - If this movie scared you, you should be ashamed. Also, I wish horror was more than creepy special effects anymore. My inner snob wants me to tell you that the japanese original was better, but I never saw it. This is a bad review.

Titanic - (2.5/5) - The ultimate middle of the road film. Not bad enough to be bad, not good enough to be good. Just lowest-common-denominator enough to be the biggest box office smash in history.

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl - (2/5) - I've seen this movie twice and I swear I can't remember what it's about or why it was so popular. Pirates run away from special effects for 2 hours. I suppose kids would love it.

White Chicks - (1/5) - Will the Wayans Brothers ever do anything worth your time?

Ocean's Twelve - (1/5) - Holy s**t, I sat through this whole movie and I have no idea what it's about. I couldn't get past the annoying oversaturated reds and greens in EVERY F**KING SCENE. Same thing goes on in the movie Swordfish. I guess it's supposed to be edgy-looking or something. The lighting guy should be shot.

Scary Movie - (1/5) - Stupid. Not like funny stupid, just annoying stupid. 90% dick and fart jokes, 10% actual parody.