[Mighty Midget]

I honestly don't know, Playbahnosh. There's a block there and I can't get a single image, word of text or anything. However, this sort of brings me to my next point:
I just came back from a hospital visit and before going I was beginning to see just how self sentered, selfish and inconsiderate I've been and still am. While there it became a bit clearer that I am self centered and inconsiderate. The worst bit is that I have known for a long time but I didn't want to accept it. I didn't want to be that way and I don't want to be that way and I didn't want people to see me that way. I wanted to do what's right but I simply don't know what it should be since too much has been, in my mind, about me, myself and I. I hate it. It frustrates me that I can't listen properly coz I fill my head with myself, faking consideration coz I wanted to be conciderate while feeling anyone could see right through that, panicing, faking harder, getting more and more frustrated and scared, just another spiral.

I suppose consideration and empathy comes with emotions and I really am out of touch with my own there. I miss having a full set of feelings and emotions. What I feel is sorrow, darkness and emptyness only sometimes it's more like just empty. That emptyness is perhaps the worst, realizing there are some essential pieces missing, and it's perhaps what scares me the most and what really sends me running fast.

I have repeated over and over again that I need to find my feelings. I said I don't see how I can be really positive until I have found those. I suppose all this goes to show my point. I really, really need to get in touch with myself or I'll keep messing up.