Fortis: And now, this ugly purple thing believes that you are the alien Grand Poobah, or whatever their equivalent is.
Alien <Command me, revered one.>
Scientist: Ahc, excellent, dat vill help our efforts greatly. Vat about dat one in cell…Ah, Major! Vat can I do for you?
Fortis: Sir! *salutes* (uh oh…)
Major Damage: At ease, Fortis. I wanted to discuss your performance on the last few missions. You got some kills, more than I thought you would. That was good, but I was disappointed with your performance on the mental front.
Fortis: I was too, to tell the truth.
Major Damage: Care to explain?
Fortis: Bluntly, I need to be faster. I was taking to long to get into the alien’s mind before it was shot full of holes. I came down here specifically to practice breaking into alien minds.
Major Damage: Good initiative. How is your progress?
Fortis: Tell them, Albert.
Scientist: Fortis hadt been a goodt help to us. Vatch! You dere!
*Scientist Albert opens a viewing port to one of the cells.*
*The alien inside jumps to attention*
Alien: <How may I aid you, revered one?>
Scientist: Vat are you?
Alien: <A Wentrodfeash derr’ak. What you call a spitter, revered one.>
Scientist: How many oder spitters or aliens vere in your group?
Alien: <4 spitters, 8 other species, revered one.>
Scientist: Hmmm. Sing dat song I vas playing earlier.
Alien: <Gladly Revered one! Deutschland, Deutschland über alles!
Über alles in der Welt…>
*Scientist Albert closes the viewing port, while the alien inside begans dancing a jig to it’s boisterous singing*
Major Damage: Well, you’re thorough, that for sure, but what about speed?
Fortis: I’m getting faster, sir.
Major Damage: Good, I expect you to do better on your next assignment.
Scientist: Lets see how number six is doing.
Fortis: No! Wait!
*Scientist Albert opens a viewing port to another one of the cells.*
Alien: <REPENT!! THE END IS NIGH!! MERCY I BEG OF YOU!!>
Scientist: Vat the heck!?
*Scientist Albert slams the viewing port shut. Major Damage blinks. Fortis looks to the side.*
Major Damage: Care to explain that?!
Fortis: I uh…went too fast on that one. I damaged a few thing while breaking into it’s mind…
* Scientist Albert peeks into the viewing port*
Alien: <THE DREAD PIRATE ROBETS HAS COME FOR OUR SOULS!!!>
Scientist: Now vere didt it pick dat one up?
Fortis: I honestly have no idea…
Major Damage: Just out of curiosity, how long did that one take you?
Fortis: From contact to…uh…what you saw there, about six seconds.
Major Damage: That’s the kind of speed you need on the battlefield. Don’t try to be subtle. Just crash through the barriers. Your first priority is taking down the aliens and protecting your squad mates. Preserving the aliens in good condition is secondary.
Fortis: Yes sir.
Major Damage: Oh, and restrict your speed training to the psy gyms from now on. Dismissed.
Alien 1: < Von der Maas bis an die Memel! Von der Etsch bis an den Belt!>
Major Damage: And get that thing to shut up.
Scientist: Vat is vrong vid de “Das Lied der Deutschen”?
Major Damage: You’re in San Francisco, not Berlin!
Scientist: You Americans should learn to appreciate goodt-
Alien 2: <THE NINJAS! THEY’RE EVERYWHERE! AIEE!>
Scientist: Fortis! You made dat mess, you shut dem up!