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[Mighty Midget]

Having my morning coffee I just came to think how almost my entire life has been a chase for confirmations. It has been so "important" to me that it took over too much. I haven't thought of this before and I'm not sure exactly what I wanted to confirm but I can guess. Whatever it is it has been all about me and my relations to others, my family and friends. It has in all honesty been a major part of what's been driving me along. That and my fears. Maybe this chase has been a way of dealing with those fears. Play said something about me leeching off others what I couldn't give myself. I have never been convinced of anything other than being a lowlife and I suppose part of all this concern about what others think is part of this chase for confirmation. To get a feeling from others I am more than just a heap of genetic waste. At the same time I have this really strong feeling I'm not "allowed" to accept I'm more than nothing, that it's frowned upon to say "yeah, I'm ok", so the chase becomes rather frenetic. I look for confirmations while tearing down whatever positive confirmation I get, sort of. All those jokes and me going "let's check if they thought it was funny", getting down if noone laughed and not getting anything if they did, just for starters. That, and the feeling of "I can't do it" while pretending and hiding, daydreaming "I can do it all".

The chase and me tearing down, getting down as I do it, it's not as much an addiction as it is a conflict I never dealt with before. As I said, I'm not entirely sure about exactly what's been going on but this all seems to make sense, me wanting confirmations while creating an abnormal craving myself. Obviously this can't go on. It has to change somehow.

[Icewolf]

What about your move to eastern Norway?
Isn't changing your living-area a good and easy change for starters?

[Mighty Midget]

Yeah, I guess. Ok, it can be seen as me running away again but on the other hand I really need to get started on something and that won't happen here, so yeah, moving will get me a chance and opportunities. Let's see if I take them.