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[Kelbert]

Scorched Earth: [neglectful] Mother of All Games

As a younger person i used to play this game with my friends over at their house on their 386 desktop. it was good cos we got to have turns in the hotseat.
if you were in the hotseat you had to take your turn really really fast as there is a time limit and the other players would try to make you waste your time because you had to do a bucket and a shot of tequila while you aimed your MIRV.

that and the cluster bomb were my favourite cos you could make the colour set to be neon or primary or uber-technicolour. no-one else really liked the more outlandish sets but i didnt care cos i was fast at taking my turn so i could goto options and make it so it was the one i wanted AND turn it back before my go ended.

one of the people i would play with was my mate carl's gf and she had some kids with someone else so carl was sad and he cried a bit and so we didn't like her any more.

I found out that she is a bit of a slapper so it makes sense that she would also be a neglectful mother and so whenever i think of scorched earth i think of that situation where my mate was crying and how all i wanted to do was for him to have his go so the rest of us could finish the game.

:-= teh neglectful mother of all games =-:

For the record: I really like Skyrim (my 1st character is level 72 now) and think it is the best Elder Scrolls game to date.
I would not allow its older brothers to bully it and say it has a terrible magic system and is too easy after level 7.

the magic system in arx fatalis is an interesting one. similar to black and white.

[Kelbert]

Spy vs Spy, Dance Revolution, Team Fortress 2

Sometimes i like to get out the old dance mat close the curtains and angle the lampshade so it is like i am on stage and dancing (well moving my legs cos if i use my arms i knock things over sometimes and they can break) for a hot girl that is turned on by watching me play dance revolution.

there are some classic tunes that i like to bang out sometimes but i prefer to play traditional scottish folk music and sword dance the steps:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BTPj93TttZs

but on that particular track i can never get the highest score compared to my friends because i always try to pull off some seriously sick moves while they just step about like they are dancing hardstyle shuffle which everyone knows is for poofs.

anyway i was just thinking about what initials to put in when i totally pwnd everyone and got highscore for being the best dancer out of me and my mate phil cos i usually do ASS but i thought i could do KKK but thats racist and if i was called Kelbert Isa Dude then i coulda put KID but thats a bit lame so i stuck with ASS.
but then suddenly the power ran out and i was very upset and my bottom lip wobbled a bit but it was ok cos my mate phil says to me, "don't be upset mate you should be proud cos they were some killer sick sweet moves you just did on dance revolution and i'm not even joking" and that made me feel better even tho i had never gotten number 1 score on that track before.

because i am paranoid, i thought it is a big conspiracy to make me change the initials that i use to enter when i get on the scoreboard cos some people don't LOL or ROFL or even PMSL as much as i do about it.
hey that is a good idea - i will use LOL now sometimes too.

it might have been the work of some nefarious agents of a power with interests in screwing with my life. i am sure you all know what i am talking about but you don't have to say because there is a stigma attached to being a paranoid loony.

cos i was playing Spy vs Spy i thought it might definitely be agents but it was just that he has a key meter and so the credit for his electric had run out cos he is poor and lives on a council estate and smells of sour milk even when he comes out of the shower.
that game is so hard. i thought i could beat it now i am a grown up but the computer still wins. totally sucks. i played for 2 hours and it took me 1 hour to figure out the keys and then the last 30 mins was spent with me swearing at it.

my mate said to go play TF2 with him instead to cheer up but i hate TF2 cos it isn't as good as other games that i play and ppl are racist and mean to me all the time on it.
i only have it so i can trade the items i get on steam (for free) with all the thick ppl who want to give me games for it.
i like to watch the videos ppl make on garrys mod though. they make me LLAFL sometimes.

:-= i always enter my initials as ASS cos i am funny =-:

if you like TF2 then you will notice that there is a character in it called "the spy" who has the same name as the spies from spy vs spy which i do not think is a coincidence so someone has been totally ripping off TF2 again.

I have put all 3 games that i did play in the same review because i might not have any time to play games for this week cos it is busy cos of release dates coming soon so we all have to work really really hard even though people will find a million faults with it anyway.

no i will not trade you a bills hat for portal 2 cos i know you have a 75% off ticket so give me that and another game and i will give you the deus ex 3 items.

[Kelbert]

Dishonored

Even though i usually say to myself that i will not be paying full price for any games any more and especially not pre-ordering i have done just that several times over the past few months.

i have gotten farcry 3 hitman 5 and dishonored. dishonored is the first to be released out of the three so i am thinking about that one atm.

the guy in it is called corvo which to me sounds a bit like kurwa that is a swear word in some languages that you might or might not know. the videos make it look good but then they always do that and the screenshots are pretty cool. however rage looked cool and ended up being a bit lamer than it was supposed to be and dont even get me started on wet. that game totally sucked and i decided that bethesda must be high or something to make that kind of thing. sell outs.

i am quite nervous about it now because i couldve spent the money on a pizza delivery tonight instead and even been able to afford extra chicken strippers.

:-= i will not rage =-:

Here is hoping that i have made a good decision and that dishonored will be a most awesome game as good as deus ex mixed with thief mixed with hitman mixed with mirrors edge mixed with half life.

in some ways i hope it is just dishonored and not a mix of anything tho it is inevitable that it will have elements of play from other games since things evolve slowly in the world of computer gaming.

and it came with free arx fatalis, that i have also been playing lately. now i have 2 copies of it.

[Kelbert]

hello - i know this has nothing to do with games today, but I thought I would share a few more frames that go either side of the one in the "review" above:

http://i.imgur.com/xwNEF.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/ps1ez.jpg

If anyone would like to see the finished scene, I will post that when the lettering and layout is complete. However, you are advised that it is quite mature in content and some people may find it upsetting

I will not post the back frame, since that only works in layout and also it would spoil the story!