«

[Scatty]

Three well-meant advises for you:

1. Don't let yourself be used. Have some dignity, and others will respect you, and you yourself, too.
1. Don't search for girls to date on curious websites in provocative poses. Either those websites want your money, or those girls do. Exceptions are exceptionally rare. Don't look for love interests on the internet. Find the girls you like where you live, trust me it's better.
2. Don't hang in at home with computer & internet much. Don't inclose yourself in your own inner world. Get out there, let those inferiority complexes and insecurities fall, together with all that "I'm intelligent" stuff too. Of course you are intelligent, but that's not the point, for no one - it is obvious enough. To do that is harder than it sounds, but certainly doable. Somewhere outside there you'll automatically meet a girl you like, also.
Life is as simple as you take it - like yourself and others will like you. Others like you and you like the life and make easily friends. Stop disliking yourself. Look around, there's lots of things that make fun. You just have to open your eyes and see them. Your life is your choice.

[Tracker]

I agree with Scatty especially regarding Internet relationships. They're all crap. Never try one. I've spent the last two years of my life in one and let me tell you it's all pointless, real girls are better because, you know, they're real. It's difficult to socialize with someone you only communicate with on the Internet. Go to concerts, museums, cinema, whatever, meet new people, make friends. Be friendly and the world will be friendly as well.

[Lulu_Jane]

The past is in the past, time to move forward

Are you seeing a therapist or seeing a health professional regularly? You sound kind of depressed, I would raise these issues with your doctor.

Good luck as of the 26th, it could be the start of something wonderful for you

[RRS]

All those generic good advices work poorly in specific cases. "Meet new happy people, yay!" doesn't fit introverts well, who get spent by interacting with people (it feels like a chore for them). You can't force yourself to like someone, just as "I command you to be spontaneous, right now!" doesn't work.

Hunter Hunted, you obviously surf the wrong side of the Internet. You claim you're intelligent while you waste your time on generic forums infested with "trolls". Try to find people with more refinement, they're rare, but they do exist out there. Fish them out and then maintain IM/email contact with them, time better spent than on a forum with a crowd of cretins.

Trust me, I know how it feels to be burned out. When your career and ambitions are in ruins, and life robbed you even from your hobbies... depression effectively killing any means to relieve stress.

Instead of wasting money on sluts, how about finding yourself a higher purpose? Something ambitious, that will require dedication, perhaps giving you that spark of energy? Be creative, write a book or something like that...

[The Fifth Horseman]

Anyone else had any awful experiences with people online and can explain how they dealt with them?

By not dwelling on it too much. Instead of wasting my time of futile struggle against people who would never agree with (much less accept) me, I directed my efforts at working with people who shared my interests.
And yes, I said not dwelling on it. Learning to do that took away a lot of emotional baggage off my shoulders.

[Hunter Hunted]

Yeah. I've actually got a friend who is the same as I am. He has what one may refer to as being their associates, but he has no partner and no actual mates to go out with. Well, that's maybe not true at all, because he has me and there's everyone else in our stair who we can always invite out for a drink. He is more chatty than I am and he used to do karaoke, and pub crawls, but I think he quit that.

It was my suggestion that we go to meet-up groups and singles events to try and just get out there, basically. Why? Because if you sit on your rear end 24/7 trying in vain to chat up folk online, it gets you nowhere in the long run. I just don't think it's healthy being on the computer all the time and it probably doesn't bring you any closer to finding a potential girlfriend or mates, unless you are a stud, but sometimes, you need to get real. In fact, it depresses me if I go online just for the sake of having it there as an activity.

Dating sites are crap. Forums can be crap too unless there is something newish to talk about. Even watching videos can get boring, especially if you don't find anything new to get into. But sure, the net is a useful tool; Wikipedia, Asda shopping, DVDs, torrents, YouTube, Facebook, Reddit, etc, all at your fingertips. But who honestly cares about all this if you have nobody to share it with? They're supposed to be time killers, but you need to already have a life away from select hobbies that may turn into obsessions if you get too absorbed into them. As time goes by, you sort of wind up being bored of the luxuries. These days you don't really have much to look forward to. It's becoming so effortless. I just don't feel it's rewarding anymore. That's because, years ago when the Internet wasn't as widespread, you had to go out for everything, so when you finally found what you were looking for, it felt great because you did the work for it and that is something I miss a great deal in the technology age. In a way, I think I've finally reached the end of my tether with a lot of it.

The Internet isn't meant to be your life. If it is becoming your whole daily lifestyle, I'd say it's time to close the browser and make the necessary arrangements to get a real life. If you do the same stuff all the time routinely, as you surf the web all day, every day, you're wasting all your valuable time by focusing on all the unpractical things. Before you know it, 2 years turns to 4 years. 6 years turns to 8 years and it would just go from there. For me, my Internet tenure began in 2002. Most of the sites I loved are gone. Now it feels like it were all a waste. I'd really gained nothing from it, as there is nothing I can show for it.

My friend did 'pull a bird' as he put it. But I think his problem is that he just wants sex too badly and that can put some women off that may want an actual emotional connection with a bloke. After all, we humans as a species want both sex and an emotional bond. Girls don't always like men who just want their hole. They think you view them as a piece of meat and that once you've had your shag, old meat is used meat. Prostitutes are different, because they offer sexual services for payment, but it can be almost impossible to tell if they are being forced into it, lest they tell you.

My friend is usually a laid back guy on any subject, other than women. In that sector, he just needs to chill out, relax and not take it to heart if a girl doesn't want to advance things. He bragged to me afterwards about how he'd gotten laid. Then the next thing I know, he's been dumped and he's feeling bad and saying he'll kill himself over it. Well, I don't know what actually happened. I emailed her of my own accord out of curiosity to get her side of the story and she just mentioned having problems coping with his autism and her own condition, but she sounded like she just wanted some time out. Perhaps Scott (my mate) has made the situation sound bad because it didn't go the way he wanted it to.

He met his now ex through the same Meetup event I went to, for socializing with singles. He stayed the duration of the event, but I left early into things because there were hardly any women there when we arrived and nobody really made an effort to talk to me. Everybody was just chatting about random topics and when I tried to have a go at being social myself, they were just being sarcastic and one girl gave me funny looks. So I was like to hell with this and I left. Scott stayed, so that is how he got to meet Liz when she arrived later on. Even if it didn't work out in the end, he got a fortnight's worth of dating from it. After all the moaning he did beforehand about how he'd probably be wasting his time, he should thank his lucky stars he was giving the opportunity.

We cannot give up yet. Somewhere, there will be women who will want us for who we are. We've just got to track 'em down.

Sorry if this post is "too long, didn't read" or anything.

[Lulu_Jane]

Stressing about finding a partner practically guarantees you won't find one - Relax, do things you enjoy, focus on being happy with yourself and the rest will fall into place