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[quatroking]

(A little boy walks up to his father and asks him a question.)

Boy: Dad, is God a man or a woman?

Father: Both, son, both.

(After a short while the boy comes back.)

Boy: Dad, is God black or white?

Father: (After thinking for a short while) Both, son, both.

(After another wait, the boy comes back again)

Boy: Dad, is Michael Jackson God?

[wormpaul]

hehehe..

Love that one quatrocking k:

[wormpaul]

Originally posted by ReamusLQ@Feb 26 2005, 04:22 PM
see how long it takes to piss HIM off

He doesnt wanna go any farther???

[maniac mansion]

an arab looks out his window and sees his friend hanging his carpet out the window so he yells whats the matter abdhul? wont it start? (no offense to any arabian abandonians or fans of the game prince of persia)

heres another...what the hell
a doctor a lawyer a priest and a bunch of kids are on a life boat, the doctor says save the children, the lawyer says *meep* THE CHILDREN, the priest says, muck you think we have time?
teehee

[Power_13]

A few months ago, I was in my local pub at around lunchtime. The doors opened and a duck walked in, waddled to the bar and sat on a barstool.

"Alright mate," he said to the bartender.
"What the..." the bartender looked around, and his eyes rested on the duck.
"I'll have a pint of Worthingtons and a pack of roased nuts."
The barman took five second to collect his jaw from the floor. "Wow...you're a talking duck! What are you doing here?!"
"Oh, I'm working on the building site across the road." The duck explained. "I'm a plasterer."



For the next few weeks, this duck would come in every lunchtime without fail for a pint and some nuts. Then one day, he came in as usual, sat himself down at the bar. By this time, the still-astounded barman knew the duck's order, so he went straight to work pulling the pint of beer.
"Hey," the barman said as he put the empty pint glass under the tap and pulled the handle. "I have good news for you, duck. I know a feller who works in a circus. I told him about you last night, and he's very interested in having you work for him!"

The duck paused, furrowed his brow, then replied. "A circus?"
"Yep."
"With clowns and elephants?"
"Yep!"
"Lions and trapeze artists?"
"Yep!"
"Big tent and a ringmaster?"
"Yep!"
"Animals and daredevil stunts?"
"Yep!"



"What the bugger do they need a plasterer for?"

[Sebatianos]

The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby
English will be the official language of the EU rather than German,
which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the
Commission conceded that English spelling had some room for
improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would be
known as "EuroEnglish":

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c." Sertainly, this will
make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in
favor of the "k." This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan
have 1 lessletter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the
sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f."
This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter. In the 3rd year,
publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the
stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will
enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a
deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of
the silent "e"'s in the language is disgraceful, and they should go
away. By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing
"th"with "z" and "w" with "v." During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o"
kan be dropd from words kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of
kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve
vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or
difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

E DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!

[Unknown Hero]

Originally posted by Sebatianos@Mar 7 2005, 09:45 PM
The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby
English will be the official language of the EU rather than German,
which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the
Commission conceded that English spelling had some room for
improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would be
known as "EuroEnglish":

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c." Sertainly, this will
make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in
favor of the "k." This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan
have 1 lessletter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the
sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f."
This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter. In the 3rd year,
publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the
stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will
enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a
deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of
the silent "e"'s in the language is disgraceful, and they should go
away. By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing
"th"with "z" and "w" with "v." During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o"
kan be dropd from words kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of
kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve
vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or
difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

E DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!

What a perfect practice to learn British accent! LOL LOL LOL LOL :roflol: :roflol: :roflol: :roflol: :roflol: :roflol:

[Darken]

Ok ive got a good one...

A man calls home from work to say he will be in late.
He dials the number and gets his little girls.
" hi, can you put mommy on the phone" the man askes

"no, she is busy with uncle frank upstairs"the girl replied

"but you dont have a uncle frank" the man said a litte confused

"well, he is here and him and mommy are upstairs together."The litte girl said

After hearing that his wife was having an affair the man got very angry.

"ok, i want you to run upstairs and yell that daddy is home" he told the little girl.

The little girls puts down the phone and is gone for a few minuts,

"ok i did it" She said.

"what did mommy do" the dad asked

"well, mommy ran down the stairs so fast that she fell and broke her neck and died" the little girl replied. "and uncle frank jumped out the window and fell into the empty swimming pool and died

There was a moment of silecnce then the man said
"swimming pool?" "is this 375-4436"

[BeefontheBone]

Q: How do you find Will Smith when it's been snowing?



















A: Look for the fresh prints.

[troop18546]

An alcoholic is walking by a bar and says:
- C'mon resist it, dont give in, dont, not today... :ranting:
He goes past it:
- Yes I resisted beer :w00t: ! Whoohoo :Brain: ! O.K. now it's time for a drink.