How About That?

ianfreddie07 · 21-09-2007, 01:50 PM

How about that? My dad grounds me and bans me from using the computer just because i got a 79.4469 as my general average (C+). The things that make it really worse:

1. He's not even supporting me! Not even one word of encouragement! All he does is blabber and call me STUPID. He even asked me "are you STUPID?"

2. My dad doesn't even realize that there are still THREE, THREE grading periods left for me to make up.

3. Our school's average in subjects is 60%. 60 percent is passing. 50 percent is failing. How about that?

4. My dad's threatening me! If I don't do better, I lose my cellphone! Argh!

5. If I ever complain about this, he'll rant "It's your fault. You put yourself in this situation"

What do you think? Is it fair for him to do that to me? State reasons.

Mighty Midget · 21-09-2007, 02:04 PM

A tough one. I don't know your dad's background, and that may very well have a lot to do with this. If his family worked 48 hours a day to get anywhere, then I can see his reasons a bit clearer, I think. He wants you to get as far as anyone can go, to make sure you can make the best life for yourself later on. STILL: I think he is too harsh, and if he is as unsupportive as you say here, then it's hard to appreciate his reasons or concern. It will also make it harder for you, I believe, when he puts all that pressure on you.

I said this in the SB, but I can't agree it is you who put yourself in this situation. It is his wish for you to succeed that created the situation and put you into it. It's his choise and his call and it's unfair to blame you.

Perhaps your mom can talk to him about it, make him see that support lifts more than threats, and make him see that by taking away some of that weight he put on you will loosen you up and make it easier for you to meet his demands.

Just my initial two bits. I might add more later, if someone else haven't already said what can be said.

dosraider · 21-09-2007, 02:06 PM

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(ianfreddie07 @ Sep 21 2007, 03:50 PM) [snapback]312281[/snapback]</div>

Quote:

....and call me STUPID. He even asked me "are you STUPID?"[/b]

Besides the fact you can live without internet and cellphone (hey we did so) the fact that he is calling you stupid is not done for a father.
It entitles you to answer:
" I'm partly you, so you should know".

Of course, use at your own risk.

*The Fifth Horseman* · 21-09-2007, 02:18 PM

Talk to him in a reasonable manner.
Remind him about the three periods you still have to pull up your average, and that you're still one-third over the minimum, so your passing to the next class is pretty much granted.

Make sure to ask him how he would feel if his father only kept complaining without giving him one word of encouragement - and how are you supposed to feel about the same thing.

**_r.u.s.s.** · 21-09-2007, 02:20 PM

some kids just have those kinds of parrent/s (i personaly also know few of them) and there is nothing you can do about it. everybody has to deal with their fate. and you know for yourself that you are not doing wrong anyways so if you know he is wrong its just his mistake. i also believe that people around you would tell you are all right

ianfreddie07 · 22-09-2007, 12:39 PM

ok then... thanks mainly to MM & 5th. i'll talk to him... wish me luck...

chumloofah · 22-09-2007, 12:47 PM

Hey, before you talk remember that getting all frustrated and showing all attitude and angst is the worst move ever.
Until you move out, of course.

Sebatianos · 22-09-2007, 05:25 PM

OK, I'm dealing with similar situations at least once monthly and I have to tell you you've given us way too much information.

Many students I teach complain about the house (or school) rules. Before it is possible to give any advice some background information on your father should be known (but as it's probably way to personal, you really should not give it).

Just a feeling I get from what you said.

He doesn't know how to deal with the situation. I'm sure he wants you to have a good average, because he's convinced it will make your future better (and he's right in thinking that), but I seriously doubt he understands your needs (in his days they didn't have the internet or cell phones - it's highly likely he's convinced you're wasting too much of your time with such technological gadgets and toys and that they are distracting you from importaint things in life).

It's true that if you'd be able to spend all the time you spend behind the computer (or using the cell phone), you'd probably have a much higher average, but if you'd study non-stop without a pause you'd probably develop other problems (everybody needs time to relax).

It may always be connected to his current situation in life (I know my own father had quite a few rough years with his job hanging on a thread exactly at the time I started university - every non studying moment of my life must have seemed like a strain on the houshold budged to him - not to mention the things I've bought for myself in that time, although with my own money).

So you should first of all calm down and think about it. Try seeing it from his point of view. Not because he'd be a parent and automatically right or something, but because unless you understand him and his reasons for behaving this way you won't be able to convince him to change his mind (if you'll ever succeed with that).

Eagle of Fire · 22-09-2007, 09:54 PM

While it is certainly not a reaction I'd condone (calling you stupid, I mean), I already think in the first place that some kids are already too much spoiled by gadgets and technology those days. You really don't need a cellphone to survive at school, and grounding is probably not permanent until you get your grades up and it's not that harsh. He was probably just angry about something and didn't realise that the average of your group is 60% before lashing out at you.

I'd speak with him again once he calm down. If I was your father, I'd probably be proud of yourself under the same circumstances. Communication is always the key solving problems like this one.

STFM · 24-09-2007, 03:07 AM

Go on the offensive. Hand your phone in and tell him to give it back to you when you get 85 (or something). It will demonstrate responsibility and initiative. Besides, you dont really need a phone. You have no idea how good it feels to not have one until you have to have one all the time. It is so great when I go on holiday and turn the stupid thing off!