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[gregor]

ah, Slovenia is a tiny country.

coastline is 42 km long

we really do have only two patrol boats (of which one is mostly being repaired than patroling on sea)

two major cities Ljubljana (capital) and Maribor are only an hour drive appart, so you can imagine how close they actually are on map.

etc.


Albania is (or at least used to be) extremely poor country, where for example at one time army really didnt' have enough money to buy proper clothes for soldiers...

[Rogue]

Is this any better?

Mr. Smith goes to the doctor"s office to collect his wife"s test results. The lab tech says to him, "I"m sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the amples from your wife to the lab, the samples from another Mrs. Smith were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your wife"s. Frankly, it is either bad or terrible news!"
"What do you mean?" asked Mr. Smith.
"Well, one Mrs. Smith has tested positive for Alzheimer"s and the other for AIDS. We can"t tell which is your wife."
"That"s terrible! Can we do the test over?" asked Mr. Smith.
"Normally, yes. But you have an HMO and they won"t pay for these expensive tests more than once."
"Well, what am I supposed to do now?" Smith asked.
"The HMO recommends that you drop your wife off in the middle of town. If she finds her way home ... don"t sleep with her."

[Rogue]

And couple 'Montenegro - jokes' but not in English.

Ulazi krsni Crnogorac u kafanu, sjeda i poziva konobaricu. Prilazi mu mlada zgodna i lijepa konobarica i pita ga sta hoce da pije. Na to ce Crnogorac: "Djevojko,donesi mi jednu jaku kafu ka sto sam ja i slatku ka sto si ti!" Donese konobarica kafu, Crnogorac proba kafu pa joj rece: "O, djevojko, da se nijesi ti malo precijenila!!!"

Zida se visegradska cuprija. Dolazi delegacija Bosanaca kod vladike Njegosa da im proda kamenja, jer njegova zemlja je, je li, bogata tim Bozjim darom.Kaze Njegos: "Ljudi, eto vam dzabe, imamo mi toga napretek!"Kroz neko vrijeme opet dolaze Bosanci, nestalo im kamenja."Ma samo vi nosite ljudi, koliko vam treba", milostiv je veliki vladika. Helem, naculi Crnogorci da Njegos prodaje kamenje i organizuju protestni miting pred dvorom na Cetinju.Izlazi Njegos i obraca se masama: "No, ljudi, sta vam je?""Kako sta nam je, vladiko", kaze narod, "culi smo da ti prodajes kamenje Bosancima"."Jesam, ljudi, ama sta je to problem, ima Crna Gora toga koliko hocete", veli vladika."Dobro, vladiko, ali ako dodje do zemlje, ti ces je kopat'..."

Vidi Crnogorac da neka dobra riba cita Erotiku, pa je pita: - "Jel' djevojko, jel pise tu kome je najduzi?"Ona: - "Pise. Kaze da je indijancima." - "A jel' pise kome najduze stoji?"Ona: - "Kaze da najduze stoji Madjarima." - "E pa, djevojko, sad i ja da se predstavim: ja sam Lajos Vinetu."

Godina 1997. Dva djetica gledaju Olimpijadu. Prate jednog takmicara koji ocigledno zaostaje za drugim takmicarima.- "Vidje onu babetinu sto se vuce?"- "Cuti bre, to je nas!"- "Aaaaaaaaaaa. Vidje djetica kako tjera sve pred sobom."


And couple sport coments from ex-yu tv. http://www.geocities.com/rizvic_kenan/vicevi1.html

[gregor]

Originally posted by Anubis@Mar 6 2006, 01:39 PM
And couple sport coments from ex-yu tv. http://www.geocities.com/rizvic_kenan/vicevi1.html

these are the best. i think a few could be translated into english...

[Doc Adrian]

I agree..especially since I can't read them =)

[gregor]

Originally posted by Doc Adrian@Mar 7 2006, 04:58 AM
I agree..especially since I can't read them =)

so here they are (at least a few of them). this are some legendary coments from former Yugoslavia. most are from football (soccer) or basketball. i tried my best in translating them and keeping them funny at same time.

A strange way of passing the ball - strong and to no one.

And that's an excelent intervention by Ljukovćan [yu team]. Let's see nwo why are the Germans happy, yes, it's a goal !?

THe nekst few minutes this tape is all about Georghe Hagi and this idiotic commercial for ketchup.

Note how that on stadium in Istanbul onl yth epolice dogs don't have the mustache.

Jokanovic to Stojkovic, Stojkovic to Stojkovic...

While the ball is in the air let me introduce you both teams.

"in the fourth lane is the favourite Michael Jackson. Pardo, Michael Jordan.
Then Nedeljko Kovinjalo interrupts him:
"Yes, my colleague Pantic wants to say that Michael Johnson is popular in America as the other two are."

"Mekmanamanaman." (McManaman)

And today is on our bigest stadium Marijua...., pardon, Marakana....

Here comes Bishop. or the priest.

On the left side is Carr, whose surname can be translated as Auto.

"Michel !!!!! Third goal! He deserves that we tell his whole name.
Bravo, Hoze Miguel Gonzales Martin Del Kampo Michel!"

On the stadium gathered about 30.000 dinars. (Dinar=ex Yugoslavia currency)

"Respected viewers we are sorry for this interruption. We were just prohibited by the organisational commity of Olympic games to smoke in the reporter's cabins.There even the Spanish colleagues are rioting, it wasn't just i...."

American basketball players are 2 and more meters tall.

They gathered for short one month 30 days preparations...

And this is the fourth point by Savic [Yu team], and Lithuania is leading 7:3.

He is the youngest player on championship whose moments were are leading towards the end.

This is a competitor from San Marino, small island country from the middle of Atlantic ocean. [for those who do not know the country is actuallysomewhere in the middle of Italy, close to Rome]

Susic is a player who should dribble more and use his technique and control of the ball. And there he is, he is just doing that....Susic, Susic, Susic, and....... no, not alone Safet, not alone. What selfishness from young and unexperienced Susic!!!!

Our boxer Svetomira Belić, dear viewvers, you will recognise by white trunks, and his opponent Motungua from Kenia you will recognise by black trunks.

We will hear the American firm once more now.

This is Kelly Ericson, tiny Sweedish girl, height jumper, and this is her mother, mama Maria, who is following her little girl everywhere and she is never letting her out of her sight. And the man whome you are just seing is a strong fellow, John Godina, hammer thrower.He doesn't need neither mother notr father to follow him on his competitions.

The judge took "Prokurin" eye drops and now he sees much better.

A concert of whistles for the players, purely so they could musically educate a bit.

This was a much greater danger for airplanes of Avaks type then for Pandurovic's goal.

Dragan Ciric, player with long hair yet great potentials.

Full stadium of supporters,50.000 people. Just think about it, 100.000 hands!

What a strike! It split the air to hydrogen and oxygen.

"Chocolate tandem of stopers from Bremen was thrown out of the game by one move of metuzalem Rudi Bomer?!"

[Doc Adrian]

Thank you Gregor, I like the one were they say how much money was there instead of fans

Thanks for the translation

[Timpsi]

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to gamble instead of buying food?" the man asked.
"No, I don't gamble," the homeless man said. "I need everything I can get just to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.

"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.

"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, gambling, golf, and sex."

[Tulac]

This one's from a Serbian commentator:

Muhammed Ali is approaching the olympic flare (on the 96' olympics), his hands are shaking from excitement...

[gregor]

LOL that's right. i remember that one. always makes me laugh. it really happened... i mean, sometimes they really came out with strange things...