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[bruno]

Doubler or poems are very interesting, you have style to wrote poems, try another topic, not so dark. k:

[Shrek]

hey, nice poems.... i don' t undestand much about poetry, so my compliment might not be as worthy as if it was made by an "expert". about your "Ten tears" poem, i think you should also mention the fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth and nineth tears :evil:

[Doubler]

@Little Fish: Thanks , I'll see if I can post something less dark soon

@Shrek: Thanks, all opinions are pretty much equal in my idea, I don't know anything about poetry myself
Take another look at those ten tears , as they don't come one by one (except the first, that is). Actually a bit of a, errr... Quality - quantity kind of thing (can't really explain it better)

[Shrek]

ok, i got it (1+2+3+4=10 - if my math is ok) k: - by the way, you are waisting two tears with your pity for yourself, only be pity for the cool things you could have done but by some stupid reason haven' t done.

and don' t worry about writing "dark" poetry, because the best part is always dark - that' s the beauty of it (one of my teatchers said something like this once: "if everything in life was easy, life would be so boring" :evil: )

keep writting, we' ll keep reading :Titan:

[Sean]

Somebody should Illustrate your poems.

[Doubler]

@Shrek: As said, I write what I need to get out. Notice the word 'reluctantly'? Sometimes it's difficult to avoid...

@Magic: I'll leave them open to different interpretations for now. But if you want to know something ask away

@All: Í'm leaving for a week or so. I'll update again when I get back
And thanks for all the supportive comments
:tnx:

[Doubler]

Well, I'm back :bye:

These two are a bit different. Please forgive me, but I felt they had to be posted for a complete picture

In some unnamed city

In the morrow ‘neath a sun rising,
capturing the heart of a day new
* and enchanting us, slumbering.


Dashing through the burning air
* or through the weather stained snow.
And you rest your head under trees,
* under bare canopy’s or those with leaves.

Musing in the rain 'neath a rainbow,
* ever dancing and singing ‘round.
And as the rain falls we listen to music,
* music forever in our broken silence bound,
* * like magic, the heavens magic.

Rolling with waves of rolling thunder,
* not knowing whether we’re struck by lightning or the rest,
* * and neither of us does really care.
How dark a cloud in the flare of our strike
* which is bright a flash, light alike.
And it isn’t even near the best we would dare.

And while lifted on one wing of the winds
* we gaze below to see what we were,
* * so far, so far away.
But yet, untouchable as we are in our web of dreams
* the world, as trivial as it seems,
* * will imprison us for sure.
Imprison us within another day.


In the bustling streets of some unnamed city,
* we dream ‘till the day we meet,
* * a day brought to us explicitly.

Down by the base of your ladder

Wouldn’t it be a disappointment,
* if you got a no, and no yes?
Wouldn’t it wreak sentiment,
* to actually feel it collapse?
And wouldn’t you be forced to confess,
* that you’d been wrong all along?
And wouldn’t you try to press,
* do it all again, perhaps?
Surely wouldn’t you have to be strong
* and forever doubt where you belong?
Eternally wouldn’t you lose your song,
* and altogether lose the days that you were young?

And wouldn’t you cry?
Wouldn’t you think it a lie?
Wouldn’t you break to refute,
* a claim you proved as truth?

But what is the alternative?

Wouldn’t it be degrading,
* to do best for goals you don’t appreciate?
Wouldn’t you be stuck parading
* in forms you despise and regret?
Wouldn’t you be spiteful in a fate,
* you’d rather have passed by?
Wouldn’t you forever have to debate,
* everyone that doubts it yet?
And wouldn’t you for ever long to try,
* to make what was considered too high?
And when old wouldn’t you remember it nigh,
* reminiscing with but that regretful sigh?

I've got mixed feelings about these two. I think they don't match up in style (to the point of being ugly), and that they're too direct and simplistic. On the other hand, they describe the feelings and situations intended pretty good.
As such I think some clarification might be in order:

The first one is a very visual description of a dream, one dreamt at night as well as one cherished

The second one I wrote when facing a pretty important moment where I really had to prove my worth. I had quite a few doubts about whether it would go well.

It's good to be back
-Doubler

[blastradius14]

I like them, especially the first one. Keep it up, Doubler k:

[DeathDude]

Yeah I like the style you use for your writing, they both are pretty good, keep up the good work. k:

[Doubler]

Thanks people
With school beginning tommorow, I just thought I'd post this.

The student

The vague line on a blackboard,
* white dust patterned without consistency.
A world of dreams that are supposed to be more then reality,
* with writings of knowledge only comprehensible for someone smarter then me.

A stare offers flight, a window to more real and true wisdom.
Those prison walls fall and the dreams run free,
* and visions of the wild flow before this supposed thinkers eyes,
* * while his thoughts drift away from science
* * * to form loops that orbit the outside world, the real dream reality.
This is the way to wisdom.

Staring eyes following a flock of birds flying within heaven,
* the defeated gaze seeing them disappear.
A sharp, sudden sound startles the whole world,
* it’s surface wrinkles.
With a sigh the last bit of resistance is set loose,
* while the student again tries to understand vague white in black,
* * patterns without consistency,
* * * symbolizing hoards of knowledge incomprehensible to him.* **

I hope you like it k:
-Doubler